Bringing the beach to The 3 Lions

2012-01-12T21:15:00.002-07:00

Who knew that we could have so many parties in one month around here? With our first ever US Cyclocross National Championships viewing party at the Wynkoop just a week ago, people started asking what we could do for Worlds? Well, you asked and we are now going to deliver.

We did some searching around for a bar that would be open for us at 630am on a Sunday. Most just looked at us like we were smoking something funny. But then a quick email to Jon Forget and the Bulldog Supporters Group, which I am a proud member of and we have our place. Jon is the propieter of the British Bulldog, one of the best places to watch futbol in the city. But he wanted to do something bigger and better for the crazies of the worlds game. So he opened The 3 Lions in late spring last year. This place is plush. 2 levels, tv's everywhere, football from around the world and beer. Our kind of place for sure.

We will be showing the Mens World Championships live starting at 7am. Yea, we know, it's damn early for a Sunday morning. But we are going to have this on 2 big screen tvs, audio and happy hour specials. Root for Stybar, Nys, Page, J-Pow we dont care. This is just another oppertunity to hang with folks that love cross just as much as we do.

See you there and bring your bucket and shovel. The sand of Koksijde is going to make this one of the toughest races ever.

If you have questions, hit us up here or on the feed @fritesenmayo

Come one, come all. Live viewing party of CX Nationals on Sunday

2011-12-31T17:44:00.000-07:00

Here at the FMVC world headquarters we are always looking for a reason to sit down and drink a beer and have a good time. So we have been working on different "reasons" to do just that.

Now that we have "dried out" from States, where a 6 litre bottle of St. Bernies Abt12 showed up and another 6 bomber bottles of various Belgium necture was consumed, we have a great announcement.

In conjuction with Wynkoop Brewing Company, Frites en Mayo Velo Club will be hosting a viewing party for the US Cyclocross National Championships on Sunday, January 8th starting at 11am for the Elite Womens race and then at 1:15pm for the Mens Elite race.There will be food and drink specials going on during both races.

Invite all your friends, racing buddies, family, people you curbed during your last race and enjoy one last hoorah of the US season. We will have it shown on a large screen in a private room with audio from CXMagazine.

The Wynkoop was one of the original brewpubs in Denver. They have been brewing beers in the same location since 1988 right in front Union Station. They brew, we drink. It's just that simple

For our "Bubble" friends, it is only a 30 minute drive. Come on down and enjoy a nice cold one with us. For our "southern boys" hope you guys can come up and join in.

Have questions, hit us up here or on the twitter feed @fritesenmayo.

COS 3 - FMVC 0....damn that hurt

2011-11-28T21:56:00.004-07:00

So as I kick here on Monday night waiting for the guys to show up for Buy a Glass and keep the Beer night, thought I would update the blog. First, James at the Cheeky Monk is a great guy who has some killer specials. Just got this for the collection.

First we will recap and put to bed the ACA vs USAC thing. We voted "NO" but the Yes vote won out. For the teams that voted for this, they are big, have aspirations of sending full teams to nationals or thought the time had come for reintegration. That is cool. We dont have a big enough team for those goals. We love to race, drink and heckle but not in that order. We can still do that but it will just cost about 10 more per race over an entire season now. The other downside to this, the profit that ACA will now have to work with is $1700.00 instead of the multi thousands of dollars in the past.

Racing weekend before thanksgiving in the south of Colorado was great. Saturday's race was a great course, great venue but parking and getting in and out of pits were an issue. But the biggest issue was the high speed crash that I took and tore up my knee. Seven stitches later and my knee is coming back together. The worst part is the growing of skin. Damn, that hurts and now it itches. Brian also crashed out at COS. His brake lever blade fell out and he came to a screaching halt. Conejo also flatted and crashed but still stayed in the race. He finished 4th in the 35 open. Brian was in second when he tumbled and I was in 6th when my day ended. That is racing though.

Cleaning out the knee and getting ready for hook needle and thread

They were nice enough to use Belgium Blue for the stitches

Brian is currently the majority stock holder in Tagederme for the team

Sunday brought the course of climbs down at Castle Rock. Castle Cross was a huge success for the Frites team. John Haley pretty much put the course together and you can complain to him if you didn't have fun. Brian finished 17th on the day. Conejo was 8th and Coco was 5th and some of our new recruits, who will still go nameless until Jan 1, rode well and had top 25 finishes. The season is truly winding down though. I hobbled around and supported the guys as much as I could. Currently I have parted out my bike so my teammates can keep racing.

I am looking at getting back to racing this weekend over at the CX race in Highlands Ranch on Sunday. Let's see what is left in the tank. It's tough to be forced into a week off but I didn't have much choice.

While laid up with the bad knee, it never hurts to have some of this laying around to help the pain.

Money, Money, Money.....MON-EY!

2011-11-14T20:41:00.000-07:00

Money, it's a gas
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash - Pink Floyd

Friday, Friday, Friday. Get there early. Choose your seats wisely. Hit the concession stand before the house lights go down. You should only need to use the edge of your seat for this one. With USAC CEO Steve Johnson making the trip North to grace his with presence, this should be fun.

USAC is ready to start playing hardball and the showdown is here. These are the brief highlights, I mean lowlights of joining "the firm" from the South. This is all available on the ACA website if you want to read more.

So reading over the documents that were sent out, how can you even think about voting for this crap? First off, USAC will not be able to give ACA 20k per year for 3years. There are legal issues with this for starters. Other local associations will want the same sweetheart deal that we are getting. That aint gonna happen. That should make the rest of the discussion a moot point. It has been bantered about that we will be giving up more than 100K in revenue in return for "joining" them and they are giving back on 60K? That is fuzzy math that every liberal or repub can see is a bad deal. But if you are in congress, maybe that is a good deal?

Second, the fee's that are going to be collected could wipe out the debt of small countries. It now costs your team $100 bucks for dues. Going forward, it will be $275 bucks. Want a license, pony up that platinum card to the tune of $120 clams. That is $60 bucks to the feds for either a road/cross or cross/mtb license. Wanna race one of the disciplines that you didnt buy a license for, that will be $30 more. Add on the "BRAC" part of for another $30 bucks. Currently license are $45 dollars and good for a full year from date of purchase. USAC license will be good for only the calendar year.

Wanna have results, ask the wife for another loan. $35 bucks for your BRAC timing chip or $38 if you dont join them. Now it talks about leasing the chips. Does not say how long the lease is good for, but this is USAC so figure you get to lease that guy each year. Also, D&L are upping their rates from $700 to $800. Wanna put on a race without USAC but have cool results, that will be $1200 dollars for them to come out. Want D&L to type in everyone's name on race day, add $250 more to that total.

Another casualty of this could be the ROL Wheels neutral support program. They are willing to grandfather in all officials but have said nothing about the mechanics. If you have raced a crit in the last 5 years, you have seen these guys sitting around waiting for you to show up with your flat tire, twisted seat or bottle cage falling off. A "yes" vote will probably see this go away also.

Where this is really going to be a cold shower of reality is for the promoters who want to put on any race. Your race has a prize list more than 2K, feel free to donate 7% of that to the feds, in CASH$$$, they aren't going to take your merchandise. Wanna put on a race in that open date on the calendar and it is less than 6 weeks away, that will cost you $100 dollar late fee plus the standard processing fee. Where is the incentive to join these clowns again?

The other major failure is with juniors. They will be eliminating the 8-9 year old category. Please tell Muffy and Buffy why they cant race next year while they have been watching their siblings race for the past 3 years and they will be turning 8 at the beginning of the 2012. They will be putting in jr. gear restrictions. Make sure your roll out is correct at home or pay the penalty.

I truly hope that Alpha Bicycle Co., Boulder Jr. Racing, Boulder Cycle Sport, Blacksheep, ICCC, Dawson Cycling, Peak to Peak Training, Ridge View Acadamy, Green Mountain Sports are all going to vote "NO" on this Friday night. These are just the teams that I know of that have JR. racers.

As you might understand, I have not pointed out any positives about getting back to somebody that was kicked to the curb about 10 years ago. I have also heard rumblings that USAC has also come to OBRA and they told them to take a hike, we are not interested. I think this is the same thing we should do.

Do the right thing and show up and vote on this. Stand up, be proud of your vote and and say it with authority. Just remember, everyone will be watching you.

Es hora de cross en Parker

2011-11-09T22:25:00.000-07:00

As the leaves begin to fall, cross season is going strong. With some brutal conditions the past 4 races, it is time to have a dry weekend and temps in the high 50's. Perfect for working on some different skills.

Bandido Cross is back this weekend down in Parker. Meet up at Matt's place at high noon. Bring your food, bring your beer, bring your heckles but dont bring the following:

NO Skinsuits
NO Heart rate monitors
NO Whining

This is more about bragging rights and hanging out with a bunch of cross crazy kids on a great afternoon. Yea we know there is a race that day...but who wants to drive to the bubble, yet again, to spend your money.

Here is the write up from 2010 and 2009

Hell, we might have more people at this race than the USAC race last weekend. How funny would that be?

Yes, we will make a special category for each and everyone of you.

Got questions, please let us know and we will get you all the info you will need.

Hope to see everyone on Sunday.

Look up in the sky. It's a bird, it's a plane....No it's

2011-11-08T08:50:00.002-07:00

So this email show's up in my box yesterday. This is from the NaturalWay Race team. All these guys live in the 'hood with me. They love cross just as much as the rest of us. Thier guys had some issues and some good samaritans helped them out a couple of times. Unfortunately, I don’t know who the guy is that gave up his bike to Zephyr.

"Some incredibly cool things happened at the cross race yesterday and I felt compelled to share for those not there.

First, while standing in line to register, Zephyr approaches me with the news he snapped his rear derailleur hangar. Race is over before it has begun, no refunds. So understandably bummed, we are chatting about this misfortune back at his truck. A gentleman parked next to us overheard the conversation and offered Zephyr use of his bike. HIS BIKE! A extremely nice Blue carbon race bike. He just asked Zephyr use his own wheelset. Now we don't know this person, he didn't know us, yet he didn't even give this a second thought. Well it ultimately didn't work out as he was riding a 9 speed and Zephyr has a 10 speed cassette (or vice versa). So instead of finding proper tools to swap cassettes, we gave him his bike back with a whole bunch of 'Thank you for the offer'. Never fear however as Bret (the second of our 6 foot 4 racers) just happened to bring his extra cross bike with. Zephyr gets to race and finished in fine form at that.

Second, during my race, once I hit pavement, I realized my rear tire is borderline flat. A lap or two goes by and as I'm passing Robert, I tell him my situation. A half lap later he holds up a wheel for me that I can swap out in the Pit. I ask him if it is a 9-speed. It isn't. Overhearing this, another guy approaches Robert and says that he has a 9 speed bike that he could lend. Not sure how the discussions went, however when I approached the pit area Robert screams that there is an extra bike waiting for me, guy in blue holding a Primus Mootry. Now going on my 3rd lap, I don't even know my name at this point, I thought I heard him correctly but wasn't sure. 20 seconds later, there it was, a guy in blue in the pit holding a nice custom Primus Mootry, full Ultegra. I hop off my bike and he gives me his. Again, I don't know this guy and he doesn't know me, he just overheard someone needing help and offered up his ride. Unbelievable. I found him after the race and couldn't thank him enough. I owe him a Duvel.

Meanwhile, Robert takes my bike, fixes my rear wheel, runs the bike over to the Power Washer (very muddy yesterday) cleans it up good and by the time I came back around, there he was in the Pit with my bike all ready to roll. I can't believe this is going on. I have my own Pro staff!! I jump off my loaner and grabbed my bike back (though I did a horrific job in the transition...). Long story short, I finished the race with ever so dependable Bret there waiting with a nice cold Old Chub.

Fourth, Zephyr's son Elliot, in the hunt for 4th place in the Junior 7 -8, wipes out on the home stretch, cracks his helmet, simply gets up and carries his bike over the finish line. Seriously.

Fifth, while watching a bald eagle soaring over the start of the Beginners race, Zephyr's wife Jenn throwing her bike in the ring killing her first ever cross race. Nice work Jenn.

Now, if you are still reading, this was simply an awesome day to be riding a bike with good friends. If anyone is on the fence still about trying cross, I urge you to get a bike (use your mountain bike) and come out. If you don't want to race, come on out anyway and share a few beers in the parking lot. If you have never been to a race, you need to."

They guy standing there with the spare PM was none other than our very own Big Tom Hall. Tom should be the care-taker for all things bike racing on the front range. He does more for little guy than anyone else that I know. Thanks Tom....you have saved yet another racer with your kindness

Mark it on your calendar NOW!!!

2011-11-04T13:55:00.001-06:00

The ACA vs USAC - the smackdown that does not really exist?

2011-10-20T21:29:00.000-06:00

So after alot of discussions, meetings and asking for everyones opinion, the ACA decieded to not rejoin "the evil empire" down the road. The funny thing about this, when you look at the numbers and we all know that "the numbers never lie", it was split 50/50 on what we should do. Flip a coin, it might land on its side too.

I will be upfront about this now...I have become fairly good friends with Chris McGee, who is the ACA Executive Director. With running the nuetral support program over the years, we have had plenty of time to speak about the state of cycling around town, in the bubble and where the best price is for new pair of Jimmy Choo's are while we watch the women race around at conversation pace.

Before the meeting with "the evil empire", Chris told me that if we dont rejoin, they could make life very "difficult" for the ACA. It now appears that might be happening.

If you go over to 303Cycling, Kris is doing an amazing job of breaking stories and starting discussions about how this might affect you, the poor slob working 40 hours a week, taking care of your kids, spending way to much money on entry fees for races and then getting the "high hard one" given to you at the end of the day. But what has everybody up in arms this week is the idea that USAC would put on a race on the same day that ACA already has one scheduled.

This should not come as a suprise to anyone. USAC is in the business to put ACA out of business. But there is an underlying story that has not been talked about.

When we hop into the Way Back Machine, there was a fall promotors meeting in early October. The first person to respond about the meeting was Andy Bohlmann. I have never met Andy, just talked with him on the phone about doing support for the AFA road race last August. Seems like a nice enough guy and he did a great job with the race.

He responded back to all the promotors with the following quote about ACA and why he would not be promoting any races next year.

"While I do have several event sponsorship options, I do not have a good venue. Also, as ACA riders simple will not travel down here to Colorado Springs for anything less than a State Championship or sometimes a major race, race promotion here is too much of a risk financially."

Now this is a very fair quote. We have all seen the numbers because "the numbers never lie". If your cross race or any race for that matter, does not have a BAR/BAT - Cross Cup designation, you are screwed BIG TIME! When the Buena Vista CX race only gets 89 and Frisco Day 2 only gets 146 after getting 439 on Day 1, you can understand why Andy is not interested in promoting.

But wait...now there is a cross race on Nov 6th, down in Colorado Springs and guess who is promoting it? DING DING DING...you win a cupie doll. That's right, Andy has made a deal with USAC to promote, what appears to be, the only USAC race in the state for cross and your only opportunity to score some coveted USAC starter points for call ups if you deciede to go to the frozen tundra of Madison WI in January.

Now you have to ask yourself, why the hell would he do this? He has already stated that nobody within the ACA travels to races unless they are states or a major race. I dont see his race as being major. Dude's race is 35 bucks to enter, 10 bucks for a one day license since most dont have a USAC piece of paper. But if you need a one day license, you can only race Cat4. USAC has decieded that the reciprocity agreement that we have worked under, is no longer in their interest either. This is how they are making life difficult for the ACA.

Now we all know that you can elect to stay at home, go race the Primalpalloza or drive your happy ass down to COS for somebody that does not regard the ACA with much love. This is the time to put up or shut up about USAC. Look, they dont give a rats ass about you why would you drive to support them at this point? Personally, I am saving my money that weekend regardless of where the race is.

One month down and 3 more to go

2011-10-06T22:32:00.002-06:00

The season is in full swing here in Colorado. With the temps still in mid 80's, it can be hard to get into cross mode. Who wants to wear the LS skinsuit and warm embro when you can still race around in a black velvet speedo right?

The first weekend of races I skipped. The courses that were used just don't have a lot of "WOW" factor for me. Plus each day it was in the high 80's...me and the heat index don't get along so well, if you know what I mean. El Conejo took another approach to this and finished 2nd in the SM3's at the Queens of Cross. Skillet and Buzzsaw finished 18 and 19th in the 45 Open. Coco raced at the Kiddie Prison and finished 5th in SM3's.

So my season started off down in Buena Vista at the Cross at the River. This is a great race that gets a raw deal from the bubble crowd. Granted, even from my house it is about a 2 hour drive but that is a very scenic 2 hour drive through the mountains. With the aspen's turning it is a great way to spend a Sunday. But the bubble crowd cant be bothered. So it is a 3 hour drive from them to race 45 minutes or so....what else are you going to do?

The course that Doug has laid out has a bit of everything. Good run up, some high desert singletrack, some sand, stairs, cobbles and free beer at the end of the race. Brian, Dash, Buzzsaw and myself toe the line for the 35/4's race with all 21 starters. Where are the big crowds? Where is the shout that cross is king? Where are the bubble boys at? Nobody knows and I don't care at this point. Off we go and 45 minutes later we are all a bit knackered. Racing cross at 8000 feet is a bit rough. So after a bit of lunch and Flapjacks joining up with us for the afternoon races, we once again toed the line in the SM4's and 45/4's....again with a total field of 25. Let's just say, more beer for us and we took home some hardware, Brian was 3rd in the 45/4s and we had lots of laughs. Who needs the bubble anyway.

A great week of training and it is up to the bubble to race at Xillinx. This has always brought big crowds because it is a great course. It can be ran a variety of ways and Saturday's course did not disappoint. An uphill sprint to some quick dusty singletrack, a log hop and then through the dusty fields and out into the south dusty 40 acres we went. Did I mention dusty singletrack? There is nothing worse than dusty singletrack with you and 135 of your closest racing friends for the 35/4's race. Racing in CO is like racing at Nationals each and every week. Do they have dusty singletrack in Madison?

With no call up, that is what happens with 135 guys most weeks, I started back in the mid 80's. At the end of the day, I finished in the mid 80's. How is that for consistent racing. Brian, on the other hand was a set to light the rockets. He had a call up, first row and was ready to race. He was sitting about 5th wheel for the first 2 laps with a lot of people riding his wheel. When your 6foot4 this happens a lot. The guy behind him decided he wanted a different view. Brian had the line and the guy went with the adage "rubbin is racin" and proceeded to more over on him. Brian put out the elbow going into the corner and the guy proceeded to move said elbow right out of the way. Brian made the corner without issue...his tires on the other hand decided to not make the corner and both rolled off his new wheels. Day over. I heard there might have also been the first annual Primus Mootry bike toss just after this happened...but I did not see it through all the dust.

This last weekend was the first CO Cyclocross Cup race. This is where people from the bubble must travel around CO. We have picked 10 races that will shape the overall champion for the series with these. Too bad 8 of the 10 are in the bubble though. Is the air in the bubble better than other places?

I was going to wax poeticly about the race but Dale over at Crossin Colorado has beaten me to it. He actually thinks that I am famous. Funny guy he is!!!

It was great to see all of my fellow cross brothers out this weekend. Dale at Crossin CO, Jim and Chris from SRAM, Mud and Cowbells was racing right after us, my buddy Doug Squires who is racing 55+ this year and Boups mixing it up in the 35 Open instead of the Mens Open race and of course the hard men of cycling, Routine Leg Works and their singlespeed domination.

Cant wait for the races next weekend.......

Always good to have an old friend back

2011-09-15T08:18:00.003-06:00

“Hey bud, you by this bike, it make your dick look big”

Dong from the Denver Spoke

Truer words have never been spoken. This happens to all of us. We start looking at a frame that somebody has suggested and we get all gimble locked and BAM!!! We just spend 1500 bucks on a new frame and fork. Uh honey, dont be angry but.......

I had this same issue back in July. I truly wanted a new cross bike for the upcoming season. My Primus Mootry was built back in 2006. The geometry was great, the ride is amazing and Joe is local. But the old grey battleship was looking a bit tired, paint was chipped, it seemed to weigh a ton and everybody else was riding a new bike so why shouldn't I. So the search began.

I have always wanted a Ridley but there sizing and high BB just did not work for me, I've got really short legs. I refuse to ride anything from any of the big bike companies on principal. The Yeti would have looked great with all the rest of the Yeti's I own but again, the weight thing played tricks on my mind. So searching ebay, I found the Bailey Miniluv.

The Miniluv seemed to have it all. Carbon frame with aluminum lugs. Weight under 3 lbs. Closeout price which the wife liked. Geometry that was close to the PM and when reviewed by CXMagazine in issue 6 and they really liked it. Found some other reviews and everyone had high praise. This all might be too good to be true. After speaking with them over a course of a week via email, I was ready to pull the trigger and they were sold out of my size. DAMN IT!!!

At this point, I sent Joe an email about doing some rehab work on the old girl. I decided that I wanted to run a double chainring this year. The bike was purpose built with a single ring. After a quick back and forth, Joe could fit me in. Made the trek up to Longmont and told Joe what I wanted to do. He was like “Sure, piece of cake. Give me a week”.

Where the Master does his work

This is where the surgery was completed

About week later my bike was all set. He cut off the welded cable stops and ground them down smooth. Replaced them with a triple stop that is riveted on. He added a brake cable stop to the frame instead of the seatpost mounted stop that I was using. Added the cable stop on the back of the seat tube and then drilled the hole for the cable pulley. All this was done for the low low price of 45 bucks. So now comes paint. Again, Joe was like you can use my guys. Joe pulled up all kinds of paint and decal combos and a decision was made. Dropped it off at the painters and told Joe to call me when it was done. Start to finish was 2 ½ weeks.

The old girl looks like a new filly at this point. Shiny new paint, fresh decals from Victory Graphix and I have my new bike.

Joe has done bikes for both Brian and Buzzsaw over the past couple of years. Brian's was a huge undertaking figuring it was a 63cm cross bike. Buzzsaw added a front der cable stop to his after it was built. Joe does amazing work and can handle all issues that come to him. If you are looking for a new bike do yourself a favor and give him a call.

Custom built bikes don't really cost an arm and leg like they used to. Turn around time might be a couple of months but you love your bike and want the best. As far as FMVC is concerned, Joe is the best.

These are the best write ups

2011-09-11T19:29:00.002-06:00

From Conejo this afternoon

Yo amigo-=

Raced Queens o' Cross in a last minute decision yesterday. got 2nd
(there were only 12). The big bummer is that I flatted on lap 1, had
to run to the pits, switch out a rear wheel, and then chase. I was at
least 2 min in arrears. I chased, latched on to 1st's wheel with 1 to
go, and sprinted for the W. It was close, but I'm SURE, as were
others(!!), that I got it, but they gave me 2nd. Damn them. Ah well.
That's the update from the field anyway.

And that is how things are done kids.

Never give up!!

It appears that the cross gods have heard our request

2011-09-04T12:09:00.005-06:00

It is time to take off the training wheels

2011-08-20T00:20:00.003-06:00

With the first race only 21 days away, it is time to get rid of the "hop", learn how to run again and not land on your nuts on those awkward remounts. Here is a quick rundown of what is happening in the metro area.

First out of the gate is the Tuesday night cross practice with yours truly. We will once again be hanging out over at GP Betz starting on 8/23 around 545p or so. Look for us at the picnic pavilion down from the parking lot. This is a great place to train at. Lot's of grass, stairs, a bit of singletack, some hills and did I mention stairs?

Second is our shop sponsored cross practice with Alpha Bicycle Company. Their practice will be Wednesday nights, starting on 8/24, at 6pm at the BMX Track off of Colorado Blvd and County Line Rd. This is also their junior cross team practice. Riding with these guys will make you fast.

Wednesday night is the Gates Park cross extravaganza. Meeting between 530p and 600p behind the Children's Museum/Aquarium.. Lot's of grass, a volleyball court of sand and a couple hills that will get your heart rate up. They will be meeting there and either riding there or off to another park close by. Last year the park was used by different groups so just be cautious about others. It is right next to the Platte bike path so it gets alot of use. Contact Jess for more info.

Also on Wednesday nights is the Kiddie Prison beatdown. Hosted by GM Velo and Lee Waldman, this is the course out in Golden that is used a couple of times a year. Lee really needs to have people out to work the course in at this point. Practices right now are free but they will be doing races out there starting Sept 14th. I also know that Todd Hockenberry from Team Evergreen and some other special guests are hosting an impromptu clinic for some newbies on 8/25 starting around 6p. There is also talk of beers and dinner afterwards at one of Golden's finest establishments.

Thursday see's the return of the FMVC crew to either GP Betz or possibly the ultra cool cross course at Cherry Creek Res. Either way, starting up at 545p and going for about 90 minutes or so. The CC course has sand, stairs, goatheads, parking lots and more goatheads. Bring your clinchers, some Stans and spare tubes for this ride.

Early Sunday morning is the old Red Rocks Velo cross practice. Lead by Chandler from City Velo, they leave at 9am from the Conoco at Morrison Rd and C470. A little cross, a little dirt roads and little bike path riding to get you going. Hit up Chandler via email

Last but not least is the second practice with Alpha Bicycle at 3pm at Timberline Park on Sundays. I dont have a full rundown on this one, but give Adam a call over at the shop. Digits are 303-220-9799.

We also all know about Wednesday Worlds in the bubble. These are the morning throw down but who the hell has time to go up there? Support your local cross teams, venues and businesses right here in town.

Also hit up Adam for all things cross. They have Dugast tubies, all makes and models of clinchers, Gore cable and housing and all the small parts needed to put your bike back together before the season starts.

Got questions, leave them in the comments section about the rides and will let you know.

The cross schedule is all over the place

2011-08-19T15:56:00.000-06:00

With the Groove Subaru Fall Classic not able to secure a venue, it looked like a nice Sunday off.

But it now appears that Doug Robison has been able to slide into this date, Sept 18th, for the race down in Buena Vista. This is a great course, very fast with a little climb towards the end and some fun lines.

This in turns free's up the date of Nov 6th now.

Please see the press release below for more info.

Cross at the River is On! Mark your Calendars for September 18!
Fri, 2011-08-19

Despite a couple of false starts and last minute conflicts, Cross at the River WILL be held at the beautiful river park in Buena Vista on Sunday, Sept. 18th.

Bring the family and enjoy the fall colors in one of the most scenic areas of Colorado. Flier to be posted soon. Come early if you have a runner in the family and take advantage of the Fall color run 5k, 10k or 1/2 marathon on Saturday.

For info contact Doug Robison doug@southcentralracing.com or 719-221-0158.

The Laramie Enduro Project

2011-07-31T16:01:00.025-06:00

Earlier this spring, I signed up for the lottery to get in to the Laramie Enduro. I had read Buzzsaw's report on last years race. It sounded like damn hard race, yet fun. When the lottery results came out and I did not make the cut, one could say I was not completely crushed. Then, in the 1st week of July, I got an email that said I had graduated from the "waiting" list to the "You still stupid enough to try this?" list. I said... "Yup, still stupid." and sent them my money. A few days later I got around to mentioning my brilliant idea to enter an endurance mountain bike race to my wife who responded "Wow, you have not rode your mountain bike in over two years, are you sure this is such a good idea?" Trying to sound 10 times more confident that I was, I said "Sure, it will be a great way to finish off my base training before I start intervals for cyclocross season. I confirm with Buzzsaw that he is in the race as well and my fate is set.

Fast forward three weeks and two 50 mile mountain bike rides later. I am 15 miles outside of Laramie, Wyoming sitting at the start line of an 70 mile race thinking to myself "Self, this might be one of the more unintelligent things you have gotten yourself into". But as a good friend told me after the race "Graves, if they sold pain and suffering in a bottle, you would go buy a fricken case of it."

Issue #1( - but it seemed like a good idea at the time.) As we rode down the hill from where we parked to the start area, I drop my bike off close to the start/finish line and head over to one of the portapotties to talk to grandma slowly. Always remember....proper planning prevents piss-poor performance. Feeling lighter and as fast as a Clydesdale can be, I head back, grab my barely used mountain bike, and merge into the group waiting to start right where I had laid my bike...... which ended up being right near the very front. Little did I know how this would come back to haunt me in about 15 minutes. At 7am they let all the pros go. Then, 10 minutes later, they release that other 500 of us. The course goes up a fairly steep hill on a gravel road for about 1/2 mile and then turns onto a single track. In a CX race, this would have been an all out sprint to that choke point and pure bedlam at said choke point as everyone fights to be the first in line. Not in an Endurance Mountain Bike race. Instead, we cruise up at a reasonable pace and everyone takes their time getting on the singletrack. I slot in about 20 back. Here is where Issue #1 came to light.

But first, a quick detour. Over the past several years, I have become the skinny-tire riding roadie/gutter-bunny that I used to make fun of. To say my ability to ride technical off-road singletrack is lacking is to say that Bob Marley occasionally partook in smoking.

Now, back to the race. So, there I was... 20 riders from the front and we are just fricken flying down this twisty singletrack. Aspen trees are smacking me in the face at 20 mph. It is beginning to occur to me that I am totally in over my head. I am trying to focus on the line that the guy in front of me is taking and over and over keep asking....."How the hell does that guy not hit his brakes....ever?" This repetitive question is interrupted occasional with observations like "Shit, huge rock in trail!" or "Wow, that little bastard just ducked under that tree branch, I wonder if I ....SMACK!"

The trail then opens up into a big meadow and then drops back onto a long climb up a gravel road. Once I get out of the way, 15 guys that had been stacked up behind me blow by trying to close down the gap I have left. None of them say a word, but I am sure they are all thinking... "way to go, Roadie". And so the day begins ... Big leg-snapping climb followed by hair raising decent...... repeat.

Issue #2 - Equipment choice.

But first, a quick detour. It is a simple fact, if I pay for a pair of sunglasses, I will lose them within 6 weeks. I have repeatedly accomplished this feat for years. However, that all stopped when my wife picked me up two pairs of crap sunglasses for free at the bike show in Las Vegas a couple years ago. These damn things are like Velcro, I still got both pairs in spite of dragging them through multiple seasons of CX races, throwing in in bike bags, shoving them in jersey pockets, etc. There is one thing about free sunglasses, the optics are not quite worth what you pay for them.

Back to the race. Another couple miles of climbing and then we drop into another singletrack decent that winds through a forest. The trails are dry and the cloud of dust stirred up by a large group of mountain bike racers is immense when you try and ride through it at speed. It occurs to me as I am flying down the hill totally out of my comfort zone but trying desperately not to hold those up behind me, that I cannot see shit. On a straight section a grab the glasses off my face. Wow! I can see! I have been healed! The el-cheapos go in the pocket for the rest of the day.

Issue #3..... but it seemed like the right choice at the time...... Earlier in the week, I decided to race with two water bottles rather than a camelback for multiple reasons. With 5 aid stations placed along the course, I figured that two large bottles of water would be plenty. Plus, I committed myself to drinking both bottles dry before each aid in an effort to stay hydrated. Before long, I figure out that there are two significant downsides to this. 1) The vision of a 6'3" roadie tying to grab a water bottle off his bike frame while hurling down a singletrack is every bit of the impending crash that you could imagine it to be. 2) I have not seen this many waterbottles littering the course since I road through the first set of cobbles on the Tour of Flanders course in Belgium. I only bounced one bottle out, and was lucky in that it hit my leg on the way out so I knew it happened and stopped to go back and get it.

At 16 miles in, we hit the first of five aid stations. All the guys with Camelbacks blow right through. I stop and fill up both bottles. The feed spread is amazing. These guys have pretty much the entire Hammer Nutrition catalog out on the table plus much more. I fight off the urge to stuff my pockets with enough product to carry me through the entire CX season, grab a few gel packs and head out. As I am coming back up to speed, I suck down and gel and then eat a bar. All the while trying to convince myself that it is a good idea to not try and ride the next 55 miles with that canister of drink mix.

About 20 miles in, the course drops down a steep ravine, crosses a stream and goes straight up the other side. I cross the stream and start to climb out. Two turn of the cranks and my chain sucks completely up into the front derailleur. I get off, jerk the chain loose, hop back on and start to climb again. Two pedal strokes later and it occurs again. Now, I have no choice but to push the bike up to the top of the ravine and see what is up. After a bit of gawking, I figure out that somehow I have twisted that crap out of two links in the chain. Every time they go over the chain ring the twisted link is sticking to the tooth and thus the mother of all chain-suck issues. CRAP!!! I have never seen this before... How the hell am I going to fix this? Turns out, if you calm down a bit, Richard Dean Anderson (The 80's Mullet wearing version, not the current graying crew cut version) will come to you in a vision and you will realize that you can shove the screwdriver from your multi-tool through the chain and straighten the twisted links back out. After following MacGyver's expert advice, I was back and racing.

Several miles later, I come up on Gerry Reynolds from Crossniacs. We chat for a bit and he gives me the one single tip that ended up being the main reason I was able to finish. This is his 3rd time doing this race and he simply states "The first 40 miles are easy, the last 30 are killers". From that point on, I try to save energy every place I could.

And so the race goes one. Up one steep climb, down a rock-laden decent, along a gravel road.....repeat. Never once do I get the thought of "Jesus, the is fricken boring" that I would get if I was riding 70 miles on the road. Aid #2 comes along with it's complete cafeteria plan of food and drink. I refill the bottles, and like before, I add mix to one and drop an electolyte tab in the other. I suck down another gel and head out. Along the route to Aid #3, the course turns on to a "singletrack" that heads parallel to a barb-wire fence. There are a few thing that I learned while growing up on a cattle ranch. One of them was that this is not a IMBA singletrack. It is a cow path. Yup, we are riding along a path carved into the earth by cattle walking towards water. Only in Wyoming would a bunch of mountain bikers get together and make something like this course. "Dude! From this road, we can go through this gate, then follow the cow path up to this road used by the local rancher which will drop us off or at this bike trail, and then we can go down to...." But, I must say, it is perfect for a course in Wyoming. The course has everything you can ask for. Anything from the uber-technical, to gravel road sections for the pure power guys, to water crossing, to flowing singletrack. Throw on top of that big meadows of wildflowers, large aspen groves and pine forests and a variety of there beauty.

By the time I get to Aid #3 at 40 miles, it is starting to get hot. When we get to Aid #4, it is really starting to bake and riders are starting to decompose. This includes me. I have been draining water bottles and eating electolyte capsules but along the way to aid #4, I get the first onset of cramps in my quads and abductor muscles. My pucker factor starts to go up. This is about to get painful. I drink an extra bottle of water while at the aid station, refill and eat another gel.

Issue #4...... but it seems a good decision at the time..... I had be told by several people that there is no need to take any of your own food on the ride. The aid stations are fully stocked. This is absolutely the case. It worked out very well to only have to carry the food you would need from one aid to the next. However, as some of you know, I follow a fairly restricted diet and this decision to heavily partake in the feed at the aid stations would come back to get me in the end.

By now I have figured out that I have not eaten this much simple sugars (in the form of gels) in quite some time and my stomach is starting to revolt. At Aid 4, one of the aid station volunteers tells another racer "You only have 20 miles left" to which the racer replies "Yeah, but these 20 miles are absolutely brutal". As I am about to roll out, a guy rides in, drops his bike, falls on the ground and is rolling around in pain. None of us are sure of the cause of his agony, but we wall have a general idea. There is an ambulance sitting at the aid station (and by now I am figuring out why) and after a bit, one of the medics walks over a casually asks the racer if he would like to be in the shade to roll around in pain. We all get the feeling that this kind of behavior was not uncommon at aid #4.

The course to Aid #5 is filled with some very steep but rideable climbs. By now, I am fatigued enough that any small technical challenge is becoming a major obstacle. Any resemblance of technical skill is eroding. As we head down a particular single track, I have two guys right on my ass. The path crosses over someone rocks and cuts between two trees before going smooth again. I pick the line I need in the rocks an shift my focus to spit the trees. The next instant I am full stop and balanced entirely on my front wheel. I still don't know what I hit, but I damn sure hit is square. I hear two sets of brakes fully lock up wheels behind me and the guys try not to turn this into a mountain biker dog-pile event. Somehow, I manage to unclip the same foot that is on the side I am falling towards and keep from going down in a heap. There is a chorus of "Great save man!" behind me. We hammer on.

Nearing Aid #5, I pass a guy taking his perfectly good, race number laden mountain bike for a walk. "How much farther too aid 5?" he asks with more than a hint of desperation. I reply "One or two miles or so... not far." His response....."Dude! I have been walking my bike for like two hours!". I am thinking the heat must really be getting to him. About a half mile later there is a volunteer working a corner on the course making sure everyone takes the correct path (Yes, they have these guys out in the boonies all day making sure that all the racers have all the info they need. Truly top notch race support). He tells me that aid #5 is about a half mile away. I tell him "there is a guy back there walking his bike that is really going to like the sound of that".

I hit aid #5 as they are filling up one of the coolers with fresh water. Nice! Racers are staggering of their bikes. Some are just collapsing in the shade to rest before going on. I hit the water cooler. One bottle goes in me, one bottle goes on me and two more go onto the bike. By now, the stomach is in full revolt to all the sugar laden race fuel I am shoving in it. Back at aid #3 I had picked up a espresso hammer gel complete with 50mg of caffeine and saved it for this moment. Since I don't drink many caffeinated drinks, this stuff is like rocket sauce to me... or so I hope. Now is the time to pull that bad boy out and fire it up. Turns out, that trying to suck down an espresso gel on an upset stomach when your are half-way through heat stroke is a bit of a challenge. My body invokes a gag reflex like that of a high school sophomore trying to please her senior boyfriend. So, there I stand, covered in dust and dried sweat, my body making the same convulsion that our chocolate lab does just before the pukes on the front room rug, trying to force down just one more gel. I finally get it to pass down and notice one of the volunteers staring at me with a complete "What in the hell are you doing to yourself?" look on her face. To tired to even respond, I stagger back to the bike. 7 miles to go.

7 miles, with the hardest climb of the whole fricken race in it. The course goes up a gravel road for a few miles and then turns through a parking lot for the trail head onto a single track. In the parking lot there is a group of guys offering free shots of whiskey. I shit you not. Right out there in the sun is a big as bottle of cheap whiskey and paper cups. I glance at the bottle and look away so that I do not reenact the dog puking scene while on my bike.

Just as we are heading onto the climb, I come up on a lady racer and she tells me to go on by before it goes complete single file. I try to speed up, but got so little power left that I can barely passing her. The trail threads narrowly between two trees and not wanting to cut her off, I keep as far over to the left as I can..... until I slam my left shoulder into the tree and come to an abrupt halt. She lets out an "Oh No!" that sounds like it is part "Oh, no! Are you OK?" and part "Oh, no! You fricken moron! Why the hell did you just run into that tree?" A slur my apology, remount and start up the singletrack climb. There is another lady ahead of me. The caffeine is kicking in so I think I can keep up with her. On the simple stuff, I am faster, but several places on the climb are laden with rocks and other obstacles. This girl can easily ride them as I struggle through. It is faster for me to get off and walk the more technical sections rather that crash. However, each time I do, my quads cramp with every step forward. I look back and notice that everyone has the same problem. I make myself keep with this better rider as a way to get to the finish line quicker. We get to the top of the climb and come up on a guy who is in spot of bother. He is still riding, albeit very slowly, but his is wailing and moaning like a 5 dollar hooker in a 10 dollar town. Not sure why, but I can only guess it is leg cramps. She passes him on the left and I pass him on the right. She holds off to let me go ahead and I say "Nope, you are a better rider than I am, you go first." That is probably one of the better decisions I made that day. She gaps me a bit at the top of the hill through yet more twisting single track. Then the next couple miles are a decent as steep as the climb and even more technical. It is just fully littered with 2 foot rock drop-offs and other such carnage. I never see her again. She smokes me so bad on the decent that I don't even see her dust trail. Hell, I did not even see her at the finish.

I pull across the finish... shot. Completely shot.

The atmosphere at the finish is great. There is a live band. New Belgium Brewing is there with 4 taps in full flow. For those unlike me that have a desire to eat, there is feed from multiple different Laramie restaurants. I am too sick to give a shit. I ride back up to the truck, change out of my cycling clothes and head back down to the finish to wait for Buzzsaw to come in. After a while I convince myself I deserve a beer and think I can keep it down. With a full beer, I grab some shade and sit down right at the finish line. For the next hour or so, every time I don't keep my legs straight, they cramp. But oh, the human carnage I see. Some come in strong, but there where others that are well past their limit. I start talking to one of the race officials about the heat. He proceeds to tell me..."this is not that bad. Hell, four years ago it got over 100 degrees out on the course at Aid #3". After a while Buzzsaw arrives. He can only muster two words......"Fat Tire". I give him my shady spot and hustle off to get him a well deserved beer. As we were getting him recovered, I go to get him a follow up beer and notice that they are giving away all sorts of swag via pulling racer names out of a hat. The problem is, it is getting late and most of the people have left. So then they resort to Laramie Enduro trivia. The 2nd question the announcer asks is..... yup, you guessed it..."What temp was exceeded in the hotest Laramie Enduro?" Boooooooya! I shout out "ahunert!" and stagger up to dig through the swag pile for something suitable for my refined tastes. Down low in the pile is a long sleeved New Belgium wool jersey. Sweet, these things retail for something like $70 bucks. That almost covers what I paid to race. Hell, if I could somehow get back out to aid #5 and clean it out of hammer product, I may never have to come back!

Buzzsaw and I declare it is time to drive back to Denver. I check the results on our way out. I ended up 9th in the Clydesdales with a total time of 7.5hrs. I was nearly 15 minutes off of 8th place so even without the mechanical, it was to be 9th.

I will take it.

b.

T minus 45 days.

2011-07-27T08:50:00.001-06:00

Hot off the presses. Got this info yesterday from ACA. Please read through the CO Cross Cup Policy document here. There is some very interesting rules/regulations about those races.

2011 XCup Policy

Here is the full CO Cross schedule. Blue races are CO Cross Cup races. Yellow is State Championships and everything in between.

2011 COCXRaces

Knockin the rust of the lily

2011-07-22T14:37:00.000-06:00

Damn, why does racing have to be so hard, you know??

On Belgium Independance Day, I decieded to don the FMVC kit and race up at the CSP track on Thursday night. This was the first "road race" of the year for this kid. I know that El Conejo has been killing it on the road. Just for kicks, he rode from his house in the Highlands, up to Boulder for the Horgan Hill Climb. Won the damn race in the SM4's and then rode home, jusk for kicks. IF that is what it takes to win cross races, there is no hope then.

Most of the Frites team has raced at least a couple of times this year already. I have a done a couple of half marathon mtb races (35 miles each), Brian and Buzzsaw are both preparing the for Laramie Enduro. El Conejo, well, you already read about his riding. Dash just finished 13th at State crits (35 4's) last weekend. Coco was leading state crits (35 Open) with 2 laps to go and Flapjacks paid his entry fee at states and didn't realize how fast racing was but he was not DLF only S2DFL so all is good. As for the other members of the Frites team...get off your ass and pay your moneyand tow the line would ya.

So back to last night. The wind was blowing. Imagine that. But tonight for kicks it was blowing out of the south. Now that is something new for the west side of town. With a cross wind across the top of the track and then a headwind down the twisties made for some dicey situations. But with a tail wind up the hill, we averaged about 28 mph each lap up the hill. These are great training races. 14 laps with a sprint for the line every other lap. Let's just say it started to sting after 8 laps.

Ran into Doctor Dan at the races. He is only one of the doctors that the FMVC team seems to have on retainer to keep us racing all year. He told me he had turned down a couple of appointments so he could race last night. Now that is dedication. If you are having back issues, knee issues or any other issue (that is physical in nature)....he cant help you with your eating/drinking/love life issues, give him a shout.

The racing was fairly tame for the most part. Only had one "Oh Shit" moment in the first lap with some dude grabbing a handful of brakes with his deep dish carbon wheels. Seems that the squirrels dont show up at this one. Barely had to use the brakes even through the twisties. Everyone kept the speed up so it was fun and safe.

Rumor is most of the team will be out next week for the race. We will be nominating Flapjacks as our team sprinter next week. Look for the Frites train to pulling into a station near you next thrusday.

Couple of quick updates

2011-06-29T10:43:00.002-06:00

Here we go kids...a couple of quick updates before the long weekend.

Lee Waldman wants everyone to know that the Lookout Cross course is open and ready for training at this point. Tuesday and Thursday's are good days to be out. Please stay away from the fences though. He also has a 54cm Stevens Carbon cross frame for sale. Lee can be reached at lwaldman@jeffco.k12.co.us for more info.

Now for the fun....
Just got the full schedule and CO Cross Cup dates from Chris at ACA. CCC dates are in blue. 11 in total and 8 of them in the bubble, which sucks if you ask me. It is not my fault that your subaru cant make it up any hill to leave the bubble and that screws the guys that are putting on great races like On the River, BR#3 at Xillinix and all the other's that did not get picked.

SEPT
11 Lookout Cross Golden
17 Boulder Racing CX #1 @ Louisville Rec Center Louisville
18 Groove Subaru Fall Classic Denver
24 Boulder Racing CX #2 @ Interlocken Broomfield
25 Cross Propz Racing Longmont

OCT
1 Frisco Cross Frisco
2 Frisco Cross Frisco
8 USGP New Belgium Cup Fort Collins
9 USGP New Belgium Cup Fort Collins
15 Blue Sky Velo CX Cup Longmont
16 Aspen Lodge CX Estes Park
22 Boulder Racing CX #3 @ Xilinx Longmont
23 On the Cross Denver
29 Colorado Cross Cup Boulder
30 Boulder Cup Broomfield

NOV
5 Schoolyard Cross Lafayette
6 Cross at the River Buena Vista
12 Parker CX Parker
13 CYCLO X Refigerated Longmont
19 Pikes Peak Velo SuperCross Colorado Springs
20 Castle Cross Castle Rock
26 Boulder Racing CX #4 @ Westminster City Park Westminster
27 Lookout Cross Golden

DEC
3 CYCLO X Refigerated Longmont
4 Team Adrenalin CX TBD
10 E2 Cross of the North Fort Collins
11 Boulder Racing CX @ Lyons HS Lyons
17 Alpha Cross - Colorado CX Championships Littleton...being hosted by your favorite blog
18 Alpha Cross - Colorado CX Championships Littleton...being hosted by your favorite blog
31 Primalpalooza Golden

Something totally different

2011-06-14T14:19:00.002-06:00

Since cross season ended back in January, I needed to fill the dead time between race season and training. I don't have the intestinal fortitude to sit in traffic for 6 hours to go skiing for 5 hours. I don't really like to hike since you can see more on the bike.

Photo courtsey of BSG

So towards the end of Oct, I took my oldest son Mason to the Rapids playoff game and we had a blast. I had coached his little kickers team the year prior and had fun. We met some guys and traded info and thought that was that. Instead, I got invited to a players only party at The British Bulldog. A really cool soccer bar downtown that is home to the Bulldog Supporters Group, (BSG), one of the bigger Colorado Rapids support groups. I met a guy named Corey and we got to chatting over beers, talking shop and the thought of playing soccer again was re-born. I told myself that this would be great way to train and not be gone all day on bike rides and away from the family.

So with that, I joined the BSG squad for a winter session of indoor soccer. Games were every Tuesday night for 55 minutes. They are co-ed, no slide tackles and no elbows. I had not played soccer since jr. high and knew it was going to hurt. Well, 8 games later, no wins, a hobbled right foot and lots of pain, I ended up leading the team in goals, I was full on hooked again. My buddy Pat who rides mtb's with us was getting half year season tickets and wanted to know if I was interested. I jumped at the chance to go to games.

We went opening night and were playing the new Portland Timbers team. They brought 500 fans to Denver for their first ever MLS game. We drank and tailgated for hours before the game and after. Met some great people and they were happy to invite all Rapids fans for the return match in June. When the email from BSG came with details of the trip, I got the hall pass to go away for the weekend.

Flying out mid day Saturday and getting into PDX around 2p, I was already about 5 hours behind in the drinking department. I met up with part of the crew and wandered the streets seeking BBQ, beer and more beer. What we found was some of the best tailgating you could ask for. The Timbers Army puts out a spread like no other. We were welcomed into their local pubs and treated like family. No trash talking, no acts of stupidity and the same hatred of the Seattle Sounders, another MLS team.

We marched into the stadium singing, chanting and beating drums just like at home games. We had our own full section, beers close by and felt like we were safe from any drunk that might want to start something. After a late goal in injury time, we celebrated until the stadium was empty, the Rapids team came over to our section and thanked us for being there and the party started all over again.

photo courtsey of BSG

There are some great fans up here in the Pacific Northwest and they treated us like we had known them for years. When you can go into enemy territory and come out with a win, lots of new traded swag and a two day hangover, you can bet everyone will be going back again

photo courtsey of BSG

Get your dirt riding on with the southside FMVC crew - mtb style

2011-06-13T13:08:00.002-06:00

NEW Weekly Mtn bike ride.

Where: Castle Rock Ridgline trail. Map can be found here Thanks to Warriors Cycling for the race map.

When: Every Wednesday from now on until the end of time. Ride starts (clicked in and pedaling) at the coachline trail head at 630pm so get there early enough to be ready. Meet and park at the Grange in the Meadows on Meadows Parkway ( one mile warm up to the trail head ) or you can park at the Coachline parking lot. Which ever you prefer.

Other stuff: This is meant to be a fun ride. Do you have to stay together? Not unless you want to. Can you haul ass and drop everyone? Sure if that's what floats yer boat or your short on time. Can we ride our own pace and not worry about everyone else? Absolutely. Its just a big excuse to meet with others and do your own thing at the same time. Then after we could get Mexican food and talk shit....See were this is going? Its not meant to be a big testosterone fest so invite you girlfriend or wife (dont recommend both on the same week though). This is sponsored by no one but if you got something to promote then show up and do it. EVERYONE IS WELCOME. This will be a weekly event for the spring summer and fall. We'll address the winter when it gets closer. As the time changes, we will add lights to the ride and continue until mother nature says to pack it up.

Starts this Wednesday June 15th at 6:30pm

Got questions, hit up Brother Mark at mark dot salmon dot rtt at gmail dot com

Here it is...get your checkbook out for this one

2011-06-03T13:38:00.000-06:00

Thanks to CXMagazine for thier write up of how to get to 2012 Master's worlds. The only thing they dont talk about is how much it is going to cost you.

UCI International license: 150.00
Air travel to Louisville: 365.00
Lodging at Residence Inn: 209.00 a night. Now this is for a suite with 2 queen beds, if you like to cuddle with your teammates, it will only be 109.00 a night.
No clue to how much the race itself is going to be...but let's get one thing straight, it wont be like racing in Mol. You pay'ed 25 euros for the race and race number and got 10 euros back when you gave back your number.
The little piece of paper that says you "participated" in a UCI Worlds: PRICELESS!!!

Now read below and look at all the things that have to go right for you to make the finals of 80 people.

Or you could come crash on any of the available couch's that the FMVC team has on the back porch, race against the likes of Greg Keller, Brandon Dwight, Pete Webber, Karl Keister, Lee Waldman and any other of multiple national champions that we have here in Colorado. With those savings, you can buy the first round of beers at the Cheeky Monk.

June 3, 2011 (Louisville, Kentucky) – The eligibility guidelines for participation in the 2012 UCI Masters Cyclocross World Championships, scheduled for Jan. 12-15 in Louisville, Kentucky, have been announced.
Eligibility Guidelines as follows:
· Rider must be of cyclocross racing age of 30 or older.
· Riders who appear in the UCI cyclocross rankings or have earned UCI points in the 2011-2012 season are ineligible for the Masters World Championships.
· Riders who participated in the UCI Elite Cyclocross World Championships, Continental Cyclocross Championships or any UCI Cyclocross World Cup during the 2011-2012 season are ineligible to compete at Masters Worlds.
· Any rider who has been a member, during the 2011-2012 season, of a team registered with the UCI in any discipline is ineligible for the Masters World Championships.
· There will be no ability category restrictions in order for riders to compete.

Licensing
All racers will be required to hold a 2012 International Racing license. For US-based Masters age racers unaccustomed to this requirement, USA Cycling recommends beginning the application process as soon as the 2012 licenses will be available for purchase on December 1, 2011. The international license allows riders to compete in domestic road, mountain bike, cyclocross and track events; therefore riders will not need to purchase a separate domestic license for the 2012 season.

International Licensing Process
The application process requires several steps including a signature on the international license athlete release form and proof of nationality. Riders will need to make sure the signed waivers and proof of citizenship are submitted to and processed by USA Cycling well in advance of the event. If these are not received and processed, the rider will be ‘pended’ in the system and will not be allowed to compete.

What are the additional steps?
1. Once the international license has been purchased online at www.usacycling.org, riders will be prompted to download, sign and submit the athlete signature page. This may be submitted to USA Cycling via fax, email (scan) or postal mail.

2. Provide a copy of your birth certificate or valid passport for proof of citizenship. If a rider is just renewing their international license, they do not need to provide a proof of citizenship if it’s already on-file with USA Cycling.

Qualifying and Field Limits

The UCI Masters Cyclocross World Championships have a UCI-mandated field limit of 80 riders.

For fields with greater than 80 registrants the UCI Cyclocross Commission has determined that short heats will be installed, with a limit of 60-70 riders per heat and a maximum of eight heats, and a ‘repechage’. Start order for the World Championship final will be according to the results of the heats.

Start Order / Call-Ups / Finals Qualification

1) Call ups for all qualifying races will be random draw.
2) For fields greater than 75 riders a three-lap heat race will be contested. The number of heats will be determined by the total number of riders registered. In the heats, riders will be called up by random order in the same method as mentioned above. The finals will be raced with 80 riders with five coming from the Repechage. The Repechage is open to all racers who did not qualify for the Finals coming out of their qualifying heat.
3.) For the World Championship Final, riders will be called up by their order of finish in their heats (all first riders of the different heats, all second riders of the different heats and so forth).
4.) A second final – or Consolation Final – will be raced to determine finishing places 81-onward.

The random draw will be conducted on-site at registration. The rider who draws number 1 will be called up first and so on. Riders will draw their own numbers.

“The UCI and USA Cycling have been working diligently to establish fair and clear guidelines for the 2012 and 2013 Masters Worlds,” said race director Bruce Fina. “This is an entirely new animal. With ever-growing Masters fields in the U.S., all involved realize that these events will pose unique challenges that the races have not faced in Europe in terms of field sizes and eligibility. The UCI is rightfully concerned with protecting the integrity of the world championship jersey and title and its technical execution. All parties agree these qualification and eligibility guidelines are the best way to be fair to racers from the US and across the world while still recognizing that this is a world championship event and affording it a degree of respect and recognition for the competition that sets it apart from most mass participatory events.”

A Haiku how-to

2011-05-14T12:26:00.004-06:00

Back in the days when he was relevant, those who liked what Howard Stern had to say listened for 20 minutes a day. Those who hated what he had to say listened for 2 hours a day. Sometimes I take that angle when writing for this blog. You can draw greater attention to your art by pushing the envelope, crossing the line, and a whole host of other platitudes. Some people will be entertained, some will be outrraged. But I think Abe Lincoln said it best when asked what he thought about those who disliked his Gettysburg address: "You can't please all the people all the time. Someone get me a beer."

I assume you read what I write because you wish to be entertained. I try to entertain every time I write something and, for entertainment purposes, I occasionally make an intentional excursion across the line to demonstrate a point or to elicit a response. Take for instance my post about Chris Horner or the one about Taylor Phinney and those that think he's God. Those are two particularly caustic articles written as such to make people laugh, make them uncomfortable, and to make them think. To dismiss all my writing as "bitter and cynical" is total bullshit because just as often, I write positive articles such as the one about the Frites sponsors or the one about Mark Salmon's Big BMX adventure. I always try to balance the vitriol with wit, the artificial self-importance with humility. For the most part, everyone gets it and doesn't take it too seriously.

While it may be hard to believe, my opinions are sometimes met with resistance and on occasion have caused civil unrest in the most peaceful of Tibetan communities. Because of that, I have been given the option of 1) toning things down, or 2) not writing at all. Naturally, I find both ideas offensive but, had the choices been presented to me in haiku form, I would have found them as calming and relaxing as rubbing one out before bed time.

The haiku is a form of writing that expresses thoughts and perceptions in 3 lines of the form 5, 7, 5 syllables. In general the haiku is used to convey images of nature, of peace, of love, rainbows and unicorns, and other good happiness stuff. Because of this, the haiku is considered to be the least offensive of writing styles.

Take for instance my opinion of a 30 minute race involving 8 year olds. I can state those thoughts in many ways and, while they are just my opinions, those opinions might offend someone. BUT! using the power of haiku, I can say the following without offense:

8 year old cyclists

don't fascinate or excite.

I nod off at once.

I also find women's cycling to be uninteresting except for the sight of all those beautiful, fit women riding around wearing tight clothes. There's no way to read any sort of sexism into the following because it is a haiku:

Girls on bicycles

are slow but they make me hot.

I fap in a sock.

My post about Chuck Coyle got some attention and even though the response was largely positive, there were some who thought I went too far. Don't like my opinion on Chuck's transgressions? I could simply tell you to get bent but that would be offensive. Given the power of haiku, I can say the same thing and the reader feels warm and safe:

Dopers in cycling

give the Cap'n a target.

He detests them all.

Good thing there's a haiku around when you need it!

Next time: how the use of limericks can help timid writers improve their offensiveness and an entire rant about the ACA timing chips written in iambic pentameter.

As always, thanks for reading.

$3000 worth of carbon, junior racing, and timing chips: edited

2011-05-10T00:15:00.004-06:00

This blog post has been altered from its original version.

In the fall, I occasionally jump into a cyclocross race, ride around for 45 minutes, and then call it a day by

[EDIT...]

Probably as much as a cat-4 rider knows about riding in a pack.

Morgul Bismark Bicycles

2011-05-05T20:56:00.004-06:00

Some of you know I've been working on Randy Gaffney's website "morgulbismarkbicycles.com". He and I collaborated on the site several months ago, got some content ready, got it published, and then waited around to see what other inspiration hit us the way Taylor Phinney hits the tarmac in a time trial.

I was recently on a bike ride with Mr. Big Guy in The Bubble and we started talking about the next steps with the site. That's when Randy dropped some bad news on me. Turns out the fellow who owns the website "morgulbismark.com" had his lawyer contact Mr. Big Guy. The bloodsucking lawyer claims his client owns the national trademark for Morgul Bismark and if Randy wants to continue with "morgulbismarkbicycles.com", then MBG needs to give him some money.

I call 'bullshit' on that one.

The trademark owner is acting like a panhandler looking for some money for another pint of Thunderbird. I mean, the guy didn't even set up a website with the morgulbismark.com domain name. How lame is that?

So the product that is "morgulbismarkbicycles.com" has been put on ice. There isn't any available funding nor any real desire to conduct the proper trademark searches and subsequent expenses to make this thing work. And that's too bad as we all carry the Morgul Bismark logo on our jerseys. I wonder if the lawyer will claim we owe his client a royalty?

Still, I have an idea about what to do next. If you look at Randy's website, you'll see the most important thing is the coaching menu. There's some other stuff that has good potential for fun, but the coaching part is the meat of the website. Coaching is what MBG does. That's where his interest lies. And we all know he's really good at coaching and training. He needs a website that is dedicated to THAT aspect of his life and profession.

And of course, if the lawyer and his cash-grabbing client contact Randy again, Mr. Big Guy might remind them that he can do anything he wants with the "morgulbismarkbicycles.com" website. ANYTHING he wants.

A new benchmark

2011-04-24T16:45:00.007-06:00

Very often the great performances in cycling are the result of doping or other illicit performance enhancing techniques. We all know this. We're all jaded by this. Being let down by the participants in the cycling world is part of the territory of being a cycling fan.

But just as often, a great performance is exactly that: a great performance. Every once in a while a rider times his fitness to absolute perfection and dominates for a few weeks. Fabian Cancellara did it in 2010 during the northern classics campaign, literally riding his opponents off his wheel and into the dust of Flanders and Roubaix. In 2005, Tom Boonen timed his fitness so well that he won Flanders and Roubaix in decisive fashion. And this year, Phillipe Gilbert was the victor in each of the Ardennes classics winning Amstel Gold, Fleche Wallone, and Liege-Bastogne-Liege in dominating style.

So why all the cynicism around Gilbert's victories? In reading the innuendo written on the forum walls, I can only conclude that most people have given up on the sport. They don't want to believe anyone in cycling is clean and instead view all performances as suspicious. Can't say I blame them but I think Gilbert is a clean winner just as I think Cancellara is clean and triathletes are the worst bike handlers in all of sport.

See, Gilbert is in the prime of his career and you expect him to be strong. Gilbert's performances have become better and more consistent over the past several years. He didn't go from pack-fodder to superstar overnight. And just as importantly, Gilbert has never been implicated or associated with any wrongdoing or with any shady characters that might be invited to Lance Armstrong's compound for "dinner".

Give Phillipe Gilbert some credit for being a great champion and showing real ability to win races. Gilbert knows his opponents and uses their weaknesses to his advantage. At Fleche Wallone, when a late breakaway formed, he didn't wait around for help ala Tom Boonen at Roubaix in 2010. Nope, he took matters into his own hands, and with some real class and fighting spirit, chased back and eventually took the win. Sure, at Liege-Bastogne-Liege he only had to contend with tactically incompetent siamese twins of Andy and Frank, but Gilbert was neither afraid nor embarrassed to take advantage of their lack of racing intelligence.

Phillipe Gilbert has shown that a cyclist with talent and focus can accomplish amazing feats in this sport. Through hard work and dedication, he has accomplished something that will be talked about for years to come. By racing to win rather than racing not to lose, he's become the benchmark by which all other riders of the Ardennes classics will be measured. There aren't too many riders who have become icons. Gilbert is one of them.

Custom frame fun time - part 2

2011-04-21T21:40:00.004-06:00

That is a picture of the finished product. BS Bikes has created a vintage looking frame with a paint scheme that tops most vintage Colnago frames.

Its been a long time in the making. There were some unforeseen delays in the beginning: the welder was on vacation for a week and then the guys at BS Bikes were at the handmade bike show in Oregon. So maybe I could have had the frame two weeks earlier. But you know what? When I see the final product I don't care how long it took. At the beginning of the process, if someone had shown me that picture and said "it will take until the end of April", I would have said "take all the time you need".

I can't wait to see it in person, build it up, and go for a ride.

My war with VeloNews and the Chris Horner fan boys

2011-04-11T20:04:00.003-06:00

So, yeah...I've once again pissed off some people at Velo News. Not just other readers who post their juvenile, half-witted comments, but also the "writers" of the juvenile, half-witted articles. As of right now, Velo News has not shut down my account like they did when I railed on them for their one-sided support for local cycling doper Chuck Coyle. But I'm working on it.

But hey, is it my fault that Velo News employs some of the most incompetent chimpanzee journalists known to man? So what if I referred to the writers at Velo News as "the journalistic equivalent of cat-4 riders"? That's a compliment! I actually gave them more credit than they deserve. A more accurate description of their writing would be "the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked." (credit Homer Simpson for that one). Don't believe me? Well, Ben Delaney still writes for them. After his R-SYS wheel article, Velo News kept him on board. Obviously he has incriminating pictures of someone powerful at Velo News. There's no other explanation for his continued employment as a "journalist".

But those hacks aside, its the ongoing war between me and what appear to be the founding members of the Chris Horner Fan Club that really seems to have pissed of the masses. Someone (who's opinion is wrong) wrote that "Chris Horner just continues to underscore why he's one of the best and cleanest riders in peleton. In fact, he and Bobby Julich are arguably the best non-tainted U.S. riders in Europe during the past 10 years." Certainly having no 'tain't would benefit any cyclist.

But, as you have already surmised, my newfound Velo News friend is full of shit. Why? Because a man does not reach his prime at the age of 40. After very delicately pointing this out, I received quite a few insults, many questions about my intelligence, and enough dimwitted explanations for Horner's greatness to fill Ricardo Ricco's transfusion fridge. One person even went so far as to write that he had actually raced with Horner and gave a detailed explanation of all the bad luck endured by Horner during his rather uninspiring European Campaign #1. I think it was Chris Horner himself that wrote that.

But, as so many arguments tend to go, many details have been ignored. Left out of the conversation by the 'Lovers of Chris Horner' are two little tidbits I'll simply call "coincidence". His second European stint was with Saunier Duval. Anyone remember that team? Or course you do. Now, WHY do you remember that team? Yeah, you know why. Then Chris Horner rode with the Johan Bruyneel led Astana team along with everyone's favorite raving egomaniac, Lance "Never tested positive" Armstrong. Familiar with their stories? Yeah, I thought so. And finally, Chris Horner currently rides with RadioShack and the same cast of characters mentioned above. It is during this particular time of his career that Horner reached his peak. The only problem is that no athlete reaches his peak at the age of 40.

Something stinks and its not just another Ben Delaney article.

Look, I don't dislike Chris Horner. I don't even know the guy. But only a fool would believe he is just coming into his own at an age where most other top level athletes have retired or at best are a shadow of their former greatness. And in the sport of cycling, where every great performance is met with suspicion of wrongdoing, to believe that Chris Horner is 'non-tainted' is simple minded. His performances have climbed steadily during what should be the twilight of his career. His association with teams of ill-repute coincides quite well with his improved performance. For God's sake, he was top 10 at the Tour in 2010, better than Leipheimer, Kloden, and Armstrong. All this while nudging up against 40 years old.

Cycling is a dirty sport and every great performance is rightly met with great suspicion. Too many times we've cheered the amazing ride only to have the newly anointed hero piss a liter of drugs. If you believe cycling is clean, well...you're an idiot. The list of grand tour winners finds more dirty riders than clean ones: Landis, Contador, Valverde, Basso, Ulrich, Vinokourov, Heras, DiLuca. Yeah, its well established that cycling is a dirty, corrupt sport with a win-at-all-costs attitude.

I won't say it here. You make the call on why Horner is getting better as he ages. And be sure to read Velo News when you need to feel intellectually superior to others.

And now a word about our sponsors

2011-04-03T17:43:00.008-06:00

Ok, first things first. I have to set the record straight here.

Last time, I wrote about the anti-group group ride and well, I may have caused some confusion/angst/umbrage with my side of the story. To get right to the point: I wasn't writing about anyone in particular. Not at all. I mean, I'VE been that guy and so has everyone else at one time or another. I was writing about the lack of simple enjoyment of riding the bike with no agenda, no training schedule, no reason other than wanting to pedal around with friends. Kind of lamenting the fact that we seldom ride like kids anymore.

So, let me offer my apologies to Adam:

Adam, I am sorry if it seemed I was singling you out. I wasn't. That's why I made this apology in Alpha Bicycles green. I hope I can still get discounts at your shop.

On person I will NOT be apologizing to is the fucker that ran me off the trail this morning (my leg still hurts). Your indifference has been noted and you are now on my 5-year plan. Your destruction is imminent.

NOW...a word about our sponsors.

First up: Alpha Bicycles, run by Adam (who is not an anti-group ride d-bag). As you may have surmised, Alpha is a bike shop. They sell a variety of bicycle lines:

Niner bikes which are of the 29er variety
Moots which is the titanium bike of choice for old men and those who get a shop discount
Pivot which is a bike I've never heard of because I am inclined to ignore mountain bikes

In addition to those fine products, Alpha Bicycles offers some of the very best mechanical service you can get in the Denver area. That's no lie. The man to talk to is Nate. His wheel work is legendary as our very own Danny Flapjacks, from parts unknown and weighing in at 16 stone, has a set of handbuilt-by-Nate wheels and after several years of riding, they are still true. The accolades for Alpha Bicycles are too many to list here. Just go to Alpha Bicycles when you need parts or service. They know what they are doing.

Next is Routine Leg Works (RLW). These guys make and sell embrocation. That's a fancy word for "stuff you put on your legs to make them feel better." Mike is the man to talk to. He's a 'cross racer and from his experience with his own products, he has continued to make improvements to the lineup. They currently have "Flahute" which is excellent for cold days as it has a somewhat waxy feel that helps to knock down the wind chill, "Prepare", which has less warmth than Flahute but offers a good warmup solution in an oil based concoction, and "Recover" which is used after a hard ride to help the muscles, umm....recover. For best results, apply in this manner:

MBG Training. What can I say about MBG training that hasn't already been said? Well, its Randy "Mr. Big Guy" Gaffney and his big brain

(and even bigger heart) giving us all a chance to excel at our chosen sport of cycling. Randy coaches several of the Frites guys including Matt Klick who, in 2 short seasons, went from a cat-4 racer to the podium at States in the cat-3 division. Not bad. Randy knows how to motivate without being all shouty and loud. Sure, you can try to do something different than the plan he has prepared for you. Last year, I tried just that. I thought his plan for me was too easy. And then, 1 week later, I was so tired I couldn't even look at the bike. I learned right then that my ignorance and lack of insight is no match for Randy's wisdom and experience. I now work with Randy to develop my custom training plan which, if all goes well and I don't continue to get bullied by mountain bikers that need to switch to decaf, should have me racing well this fall during 'cross season.

Not to be forgotten is Pactimo. Pactimo supplies the clothing for the Frites team. Pactimo is what makes people stare at us with desire rather than recoil in disgust. Our kits are just that cool. The man to talk to is Matt. He can give you the low down on all the Pactimo options available and he can also help you design the kit you've always wanted for your team. Matt designed the much sought after "Bandido" jersey.

'Nuff said. Pactimo does great work and their materials are top shelf.

Flippin' Flapjacks is the brainchild of the previously mentioned Danny Flapjacks. Ever been to a race and thought "Man...I could sure go for some pancakes and sausage. I wonder if anyone here could whip me up a batch?" Danny and his wife (who is from the Bayou and only goes by "Mama") make some of the best pancakes you can get. They're so light and fluffy white, they'll make a fortune by tonight. Danny and Mama did a 1 week stint at Ride the Rockies in 2010. By the end of the week, they were cranking out food for over 400 people. How do they do this? With the magic griddle of stupendous proportions, that's how. Danny and Mama have a custom griddle that looks capable of cooking 345928 pancakes at the same time. Ok, maybe that's an exaggeration. But seeing that thing in action is worth the price of admission.

Finally there is Save Our Soles. SoS makes socks for athletes. Frites uses them, too. They come up with some unique designs for almost every outdoor pursuit: cycling, running, hiking, and skiing. You can't go wrong with SoS socks. Long lasting, comfy, and plenty of design and color options to choose from. Just don't wear them with sandals. Even SoS can't make that look cool.

Note: I couldn't find anything about Jupiler beer. Yes, we carry their logo on our jerseys. No, I have never had one. All I could find is that they are affiliated with Anheuser-Busch. If that's the Jupiler we're talking about, well, I'm not going to endorse Anheuser-Busch as they have all the money in the world and scarcely need my endorsement. Besides, we all know that Anheuser-Busch is a marketing machine that doesn't know the first thing about making good beer. Obviously I have the wrong Jupiler in mind. I'll keep looking around and when I find the right Jupiler, I'll dedicate an entire article to a taste test.

The Anti-group group ride

2011-03-29T16:10:00.011-06:00

Hey! I have a great idea! Lets get together on Sunday for a group ride. You know, just pedaling around, talking and having fun.

Sounds good, huh? SOUNDS good, but these things never happen. There is no such thing as a group ride where guys are concerned. There are always those that, regardless of the stated tempo of the ride, want to participate at a different level of intensity.

Sure you all start out together. Apparently the act of leaving at the same time from the same place constitutes group ride for some people. But inevitably, someone or several someone's will want to take off and make the ride harder than its original intent. You know the type of person I'm talking about.

You've ridden with them. They have an inherent need to display their self-applied, awe inspiring fitness to everyone around them. To be caught riding slowly and talking would be a fundamental blow to their psyche. So they take off, riding a little harder than the group. Once off the front, they speed up even more so that no casual observer will think they are with the embarrassing pack of inferiors behind them.

A little longer and the group begins to split up even more. As the original pack splinters like a carbon frame in a cat-4 crit, the entire idea of the group ride is shattered as well. What went wrong? How can we stop this from happening and get back to the casual ride with friends that doesn't turn into a swordfest? I mean, the group ride is about camaraderie, not cock-size.

Well, the short answer is: you can't stop this from happening. Guys on bikes are largely an insecure lot. Not all of us, but certainly a majority. For these folks, loud talk and brash words are used to mask their lack of self-confidence. Riding harder and faster than the others gives them a sense of worth. So, for those that hit the front of the group ride like they're lining up for the Arenberg Forest, I say: give them a dollar so they know they are worth something. And don't invite them back. Ever. And give them a good ol' Amish style shunning, too.

You'll be better off for it. They will eventually hook up with more of their own type and you can continue riding for fun.

Flight

2011-03-25T21:37:00.005-06:00

I ride. Its what keeps me (mostly) sane. The exertion, the time away from the daily boredom, the simple freedom of moving on two wheels is addictive. The feelings during and after the ride become the motivation for getting on the bike when the wind is blowing 30mph or when the snow is falling.

Riding is like flying. I don't need wings. When I ride, I lose the stress. I lose the anger. I lose the chatter inside my head. And if I can't, I just ride harder until my brain can do nothing except remind my legs to keep turning. When my mind and body reach that point of intersection, time stops. There is no other feeling like it. I could stay in that moment forever.

In my history, I have always been a cyclist. Well, there was that time when I lived in Raleigh, North Carolina when I didn't ride. Several years went by and my bikes just sat there unused, tires dry rotting into dust. I'm not sure what I did during that time to stay fit or to ward off the feelings of gloom that always follow an extended period away from the bicycle. I was married at the time and well, I've blocked a lot of that era out of my mind. Raleigh was a dead time for me. Some wonderful things happened during that era. Some horrible things as well. But all of them happened without cycling being a significant part of my life.

Before Raleigh, there was the Appalachian foothills of Virginia. The terrain and the scenery were amazing but the roads were not exactly bike friendly. Still, there were plenty of places within an hour from home that could break your legs as fast as anything in the Rockies where I now live. Virginia is still my favorite scenery for riding. There are actual trees and rivers if you can believe that. There are rolling hills and an endless supply of air, something decidedly lacking when you get to 10,000ft above sea level. Virginia was where I grew up and that's where I fell in love with the bicycle.

Now I live in Colorado. When I first got here, my mental state resembled the aftermath of a hurricane. I rode as much as I could while trying to first avoid the jealousy and contempt from my now former wife. A piece of advice: if your girlfriend doesn't love that you love riding, stop reading this blog immediately and throw all her shit out on the lawn. My first rides here were sufferfests, short intense struggles to find air. I eventually got used to riding at altitude and discovered that I'm not really a good climber when the terrain goes over 10,000 feet. I kept exploring the trails and roads surrounding my home and all the while my love of cycling was rekindled. I entered my first race, the Mt. Evans Hill Climb in 2007, immersed myself in cycling workshops, met some great friends, started racing cyclocross, and rediscovered the place I am most comfortable is on a bike saddle.

As of right now, my rides here are almost always of the 'training' variety. I seldom go out on the bike without a plan. That's both good and bad. Good because I'm getting more and more fit every time I go out and bad because I often forget the real reason for riding: the feelings that accompany being on the bike. As a good friend of mine once said "people in Colorado don't ride, they train." And he's right. Out here I log a couple thousand miles every year. I love riding in Colorado. But right now, I find myself riding more for the fitness than the sheer enjoyment of the freedom the bicycle brings. I have a schedule, detailed and planned with my good friend and coach, Randy. So that the training doesn't become tedious, Randy often says: "take the bike for a walk." And he means: go ride for fun. I've learned to listen and do what he says, although sometimes I have to run into a wall to remember his wisdom.

The goal of all this training is to be more fit and to race well in the fall. Well, that's the superficial goal. The underlying need for all this training is the craving for that rush, the lust for flight.

The bicycle is my escape. When I'm riding I am not of this world.

Taylor Phinney is the savior of all mankind

2011-03-23T20:52:00.002-06:00

Jesus. Mohammed. Taylor Phinney. What do they have in common?

If you read articles and subsequent drivel on forums, Taylor Phinney can ride on water. When the kid finishes a race, the American cycling public goes crazy comparing his last place finish to turning water into wine. When he actually does well, all other riders in the world are inferior and the entire cycling world must acknowledge Taylor's obvious omnipotence.

Let me counter the American bandwagon jumping cycling public with 2 names: Peter Sagan and Teejay Van Garderen.

Peter Sagan is the same age as Taylor Phinney. To date, Sagan has won 2 stages of Paris Nice and claimed the points jersey, 2 stages of the Tour of California with a top 10 overall finish along with the points jersey and the best young rider jersey. Yes, Phinney is the National Champion in the TT and that's no small feat. But lets get real here: Phinney has yet to do anything at the Pro level whereas Sagan has established himself as a force to be reckoned with.

And just recently, Phinney pulled out of the Volta a Catalunya due to knee problems. Upon doing so, the entire American cycling poser community wept uncontrollably and offered their condolences and their own knees to keep the savior on his bike and riding strong. After pulling out of the Volta of who-the-fuck-cares, a delusional Phinney was quoted: "I am still hoping to still make the start line for Roubaix."

Yeah, and I'm hoping to make the start line for Roubaix, too.

Look, I'm not saying I hate the guy. Far from it. As I don't even know him, how could I hate him? I'm just saying that the typical, uninformed American cycling fair-weather-fan always looks to one person as the hope of all humanity. First it was LeMond. Wow...what misplaced love THAT was. Then there was Lance. And now there's Phinney. That's all well and good and as a human being you should be allowed unrestricted freedom to be an idiot. Because Phinney is NOT the Jesus of American cycling. If you think he is, just remember that Sagan is the same age and has been winning for 2 years now and oh yeah, there's that AMERICAN guy riding for HTC named Teejay van Garderen who's results make Phinney look like a cat-4 'cross racer. How good is Van Garderen? For the Tour of California, he's the #1 guy for HTC. He just worked as the top domestique for Tony Martin, this year's winner of Paris Nice. After the race, Martin credited Teejay as the reason he was able to stay in contention on the decisive climbing stage of the race.

There's no room left on the Phinney bandwagon. Those of you that are on it, enjoy your slow paced, often aborted ride thru the junior races and third-tier pro lineups. If you had any sense (and obviously you don't if you read this far), you'd hoot and holler about Sagan and Van Garderen in addition to following Phinney.

BMX and Salmon Saturday

2011-03-15T09:50:00.003-06:00

BMX. This is a discipline of bicycle racing that the Frites en Mayo Velo Club does not understand. Small bikes. Smaller tires. Dirt courses with jumps and banked turns. Its all so strange.

So it was with excited excitement that I went to Greeley, Colorado on Saturday the 12th to watch a BMX race and support Mark Salmon, Frites en Mayo's only BMX racer.

First, a little about Greeley. It smells. Awful. Kinda like a million chicken coops all ventilating their chicken toxins like a Japanese reactor. Second, if you use Google maps and a Droid-X, its damn near impossible to leave Greeley.

So there I was, in Greeley, outside a rodeo stadium the size of Coors Field. Beside the stadium was the building that housed the BMX event. When it isn't being used for BMX, it is used for storing tractors, diesel fuel, and deep fried turkey legs.

My daughter and I arrived with Mark and his daughter. The kids rode in the dirt parking lot, came inside, ate all the taquitos, drank all the soda, and then went back for another ride. All in all, the kids rode about 3 hours. Mark on the other hand, raced for about 2 minutes.

Why did he ride such a short amount of time? Well, because BMX consists of 'motos' which is a term derived from the motocross world. Each moto lasts 1 lap of the track and takes about 40 seconds. Its a full out sprint from the start to the finish and the first person to cross the line gets a point. Next guy gets 2 points. Next next guy gets 3 points. And so on. Lowest point total thru 3 motos is crowned king.

So, Mark warmed up and seemed pretty excited about his first BMX race since he retired from the sport 17 years ago. His warmup laps were uneventful meaning he didn't crash and break anything. Further, his warmups fueled his already growing excitement for the actual race. At one point, I figured he was going to pee himself he was so excited.

Race time. Mark lined up with 2 others in his age category. See, BMX uses an age category kind of like ACA does in 'cross except BMX does it right. There's no cat-4, over 35, bike value less than 2000, body fat over 20%, category like the ACA seems to invent. Nope, in BMX its simply "How old are you?" and "Ok, here's your start time". Nice! So apparently, there are only 2 other BMX-ers near the age of Mark and that's kind of sad.

When the gate dropped, the crackling sounds of old bones and popping ligaments could heard throughout the arena. Those guys shot out of the gate with speeds approaching "Nerf ball being thrown by a three year old". Toward the first jump and Mark was in second place. First turn, a high speed, banked, right hander, proved to be tricky for the leader and Mark gained a little time. Then it was onto the second straightaway with its wide variety of jumps and into the second turn, a high banked, tight right hander. At the end of the turn, Mark was still in second place ready to finish off the leader the way Cap'n Slow finishes off a box of cookies. Over the third straight and its rhythm section. Mark handled it well and set himself up for what is now known in BMX lore as "The Salmon Maneuver". At the end of the rhythm section was a hard left hand turn that, if navigated correctly, had the potential to launch the rider into a full on sprint to the finish. Mark displayed his patented move which goes something like this: stay low in the turn, no brakes, keep pedaling, and turn so hard as to nearly taco the front wheel. Yep, he pulled off this move, effectively squaring off the left hand turn, and was up to sprint speed before the leader had completed his turn. Mark won the sprint by a bike length. Nicely done!

Second moto was boring. Mark took the hole shot and destroyed the field, riding backward across the finish line while eating a deep fried turkey leg handed to him by a BMX groupie named BMX-rated Rosie.

Third moto. All Mark has to do is finish second and he gets the win. Out of the gate, he was a second behind. Apparently the turkey leg did not agree with him. Or perhaps Rosie did. Who knows. Anyway, he pulled the same stunt in the final turn, The Salmon Maneuver, and won the sprint by a wheel. Three motos, three victories and the overall win for his category on Saturday.

Congratulations, Mark! You have achieved the status all the members of Frites strive for: sandbagger.

Custom frame fun time

2011-03-09T21:01:00.005-07:00

Lance Armstrong is a self important ass. He's a pompous prick that has no friends, only people who serve some usefulness to him. And, he's a complete and total idiot.

Why do I say that? Because it IS about the bike. In fact, its ALL about the bike. Thus the reason I am having a custom steel frame built for me by my friend Mark Salmon and his band of California hoodlums at BS Bikes.

Now, you may ask yourself "Why a custom steel frame?" My answer to that seemingly simple question is multi-faceted. First off, I want a bike that looks like the ones I grew up riding. You know, skinny tubes, made of steel, that classic look that makes you think of Hinault and Merckx. I want a bike that looks classic but rides modern. From a distance you should see me riding the bike and think "Where'd that slow guy get a vintage Colnago?" As you overtake me, your double take will tell you its not a vintage frame, but a modern frame built with the best tubes True Temper has to offer.

Yeah, its all about the bike. And this one has the potential to be amazing, almost a piece of art. I'll still ride my Cervelo but whenever the weekend rolls around and I want to get up early and go for a 3 hour ride around Golden, my first choice will be the steel classic from BS Bikes.

Already the builders at BS Bikes have started the process. The first pictures are on Facebook. Right now, they have the jig dialed in and have the seat tube mounted in the jig. But looking at that one tube sitting there, I got goosebumps. In a few weeks, I'm going to be the happy owner of a bike that is singular amongst the crowd of Specialized-Trek-Giant-blah bikes that all look and feel the same. Just in time for spring, I'll be pedaling around on something that I've wanted for a long, long time. I'm so excited, I think I might pee.

If you don't currently follow BS Bikes on Facebook, you should. Or, at least have a look at their work. You'll be impressed. They do great work at a great price.

It is never to early to talk cross - this is one of those days

2011-02-26T21:14:00.001-07:00

Today was the CX promoters meeting in Golden. The room was too small for everyone, there was no internet but the meeting ended 90 minutes early. You take what you can get.

FMVC is happy to announce that with our new shop sponsor, Alpha Bicycle Company, we will be co-hosting the 2011 CO CX Championships. Expect the FMVC crew, beer, heckles, Danny Flapjacks food and a course that will have you doing the wimper walk back to your car at the end of the race. We are very excited to have this race outside the bubble. We already have BIG PLANS for this one.

Everyone for the most part played nice. Dates were easily handed out and without the ubiquitous horse trading that normally happens at these things.

Still to be worked out though is the schedule for races and how much time in between, how much time for course inspections and what races will get the coveted CX Cup designations. One thing that was shot down was the 2 day race schedule. It will still be there for States but not for any other races.

All and all, it was very productive and had meaning with lots of open dialogue.

If there is anything that you want to suggest to us about course design, please let us know. Yea, we know that cross season is still 6 months out but we want to have this dialed in early.

So below is the schedule for the upcoming 2011 CO cyclocross season. There are a few open dates and there might be a date change here and there but everyone walked out happy with what they got for a race date.

	Race name	Promoting Club
Sept
10
11	Lookout Mountain	Green Mtn Velo
17	Boulder CX#1	Boulder Racing
18	Groove Subaru	Groove Subaru
24	Boulder CX#2	Boulder Racing
25	Longmont CX	Cross Propz

Oct
1	Frisco CX	High Country Racing
2	Frisco CX	High Country Racing
8	USGP – Ft Collins	USAC
9	USGP – Ft Collins	USAC
15	Xillinx	Blue Sky Velo
16	Aspen Lodge	DBC Events
22	Boulder CX#3	Boulder Racing
23	On the Cross	ICCC
29	Boulder Cup	DBC Events
30	Boulder Cup	DBC Events

Nov
5	Schoolyard Cross	Izze Rocky Mounts
6	Cross at the River	South Central Racing
12	Parker CX	Team Evergreen Racing
13
19	PPV Supercross	Pikes Peak Velo
20	Castle Cross	Pikes Peak Velo
26	Boulder CX#4	Boulder Racing
27	Lookout Mountain	Green Mtn Velo

Dec
3	Cyclo-X	Without Limits
4	Adrenaline Sports CX
10	Ft Collins CX
11	Boulder CX#5	Boulder Racing
17	CO State Championships	Alpha/FMVC
18	CO State Championships	Alpha/FMVC
24
25
31

Jan
1
4	Nationals Madison
8	Nationals Madison
14	Masters Worlds
15	Masters Worlds

Intervals with MBG:what REALLY happened

2011-02-20T07:37:00.005-07:00

Ouch.

My previous post was about going to The Bubble to ride with Mr. Big Guy.

I made it there in record time for a non-Subaru driver and soon found myself tooling round Boulder with Randy Gaffney, who not only has a city named for him in South Carolina but is also the father of Denver Bronco's wide receiver Jabar Gaffney. Just look at the family resemblance:

Ride day was perfect. Sunny, warm(ish), and very little wind (the wind is not allowed to blow on Saturdays in The Bubble). After a 1 hour warm up ride (which contained a 4 minute interval), it was time to get serious. Intervals. And no small amount of them.

MBG wanted to do 2 sets of 15 minute intervals. I figured, I'll just do an 8 and then a 5 minute effort. Of course, Randy had other ideas and in his casual way, talked me into 30 minutes. So, that's what I did. When coach say "do it this way", I've learned to pay attention and follow his direction.

15 minutes later, my head popped off and both of my legs turned to mush. "good effort", says Randy. "Lets do one more." So...I did one more. I can't say I remember much about it. The second 15 minute effort seems kind of blurry, the way you remember events that happened when you have a fever of 103. At the end of the second effort, we met up with a friend and rode a 12 minute paceline back into The Bubble. Apparently the intervals took us close to Wyoming or something and we had to ride a full gas to get back to the border before dark.

In the end, our ride was 3 hours long. Of that 180 minutes, more than 45 were at interval/race pace. I can honestly say I did not go to The Bubble with the idea of riding 45 minutes of intervals. I figured anything more than 12 minutes of intervals was out of my reach this February. MBG thought otherwise. With the emphasis on 'wise'.

Perfect day, perfect ride, perfectly tired.

Intervals with MBG

2011-02-17T20:52:00.002-07:00

My God. What have I gotten myself into?

Saturday I'm riding with Mr. Big Guy. Its been a while since Randy and I have met to go riding. Probably because he lives in The Bubble and I do not. Just like "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas", people who live in The Bubble stay in The Bubble. Their Subarus will dissolve if they go too far south and that would be awful for the environment.

So I'm going north. My car, which is back from its extensive time at the repair shop, is perfectly capable of breaking thru the Bubble Barrier like a sperm cell plooks thru an egg. Not a very good analogy. Forget it. Suffice to say, my car can make the trip.

MBG says to me "I've got a 5 minute and a 20 minute interval to do but other than that, let's just ride around." So, I'm thinking "How far ahead is he going to be after 20 minutes?" I'm not in good cycling shape right now. I'm in good laying around eating cookies and drinking soda shape. On the other hand, Mr. Big Guy has confessed to having lost a few pounds. I think I found them.

A 20 minute interval. I can manage a 20 minute interval. No problem. But even if I do, Randy is going to be out of sight before its over. And that truly frightens me. What am I going to do all alone in The Bubble? Stop at the nearest coffee shop, I guess, and wait for the return of MBG.

What have I gotten myself into? Only time and a Garmin 500 will tell. I'll post my data along with Randy's data when I recover enough to make the drive south.

Outrage #3

2011-02-08T14:26:00.003-07:00

The big stories today are about dopers. You know, I'm really tired of this. Its time for the implementation of lifetime bans for first offense.

Before today, I was not in favor of lifetime bans because of the potential for false positives. But you know what? I haven't seen a false positive. All I've seen are a bunch of skinny guys lying their collective asses off whenever they get busted. Where's the vanishing twin? Oh right...Hamilton ate that one. Where's the tainted meat? For fuck's sake, Alberto claimed the COW was doped! These guys are better liars than they are cyclists.

And where is the outrage from the other riders? Why is it the clean riders are not livid with the dopers? Why are the clean guys not junk-punching dopers at the call up? If I ran a team, they would be clean and top on their list of things to do would be to beat the shit out of the dopers in the peloton. I'd employ the cycling equivalent of Bob Probert or Stu 'The Grim Reaper" Grimson. Yeah, my enforcer would get dropped once the race started but he'd drop a bunch of skinny dopers first. Transfusion? You're gonna need one when Rich "Vicious" Visscher throws down on your sorry ass. EPO? That stands for Extensive Pain Overload. You'll be getting some of that at the first cobble section, doper.

Yes, its time to stop showing any love at all for dopers. Lifetime bans for first offense and savage beatings for the ones the peloton knows are dirty but haven't yet been caught. Let's get it on! The Thrilla in Manilla! The Fistfights in the Dolomites! The Melee at Paris Roubaix! Hostilities in the Pyrenees! The top fighter's jersey? Blood red with the names of the conquered written on the back with a black Sharpie.

Its time to get serious about doping and riders who don't give a shit about the sport. Want cycling cleaned up? Do it my way. Or Bernard Hinault will kick you in the Badger.

The UCI doesn't get it

2011-01-30T09:08:00.003-07:00

Cycling is in trouble. The riders are dopers. Teams can't get sponsors. I'm not even sure a rider's union exists (if it does, its a union in name only). These are all significant issues that will never be resolved without a clear and determined effort to change the sport, to bring it out of the stone ages and into a modern age. A singleminded focus on promoting the sport as more than just a bunch of skinny guys riding around on bikes. And all of these issues can be more readily resolved by dissolving the UCI and starting over.

The UCI is responsible for every problem cycling has. Doping, sponsorship, no mainstream TV time, etc. How can I throw one organization under the bus for every single problem plaguing cycling? I can because it is true, it is fact. Just like F=MA, UCI=cycling's downfall.

Let's take today's latest UCI exploit as an example.

Watching the men's Cyclocross World Championship race in Germany, the UCI pulled the plug on the live internet feed. Why? Is free promotion of cyclocross a bad thing? Is promoting the sport by allowing others to watch and enjoy the exploits of the best racers in the world so undermining to the UCI's world order that no one gets to watch unless they are standing on the course or live in Belgium? What possible good comes from disallowing fans across the world to participate in an event? By watching, I get fired up to go and ride. I end up buying more overpriced cycling gear. I end up drinking more beer. Dammit, I'm good for the economy when I get inspired to ride!

The UCI just doesn't get it. They wield absolute power and they do so with the intent of promoting...what? The sport? Themselves? An alternative to cycling that doesn't involve self-important windbags like Pat McQuaid? On the front page of their website it is written:

The UCI’s mission is to develop and promote cycling, in close collaboration with National Federations.

I'm not drinking what they're selling because the UCI is NOT in the business of promoting cycling. Just look at the way its president, Pat "Kiss My ass, I'm Irish" McQuaid interacts with other organizations. Anytime there's a doping positive, he's there to condemn the rider but he's never there to address the heart of the problem: the lack of rider solidarity toward a clean sport. Every time another organization criticized the UCI, McQuaid is there to publicly condemn the condemner in a small minded tactic that sounds like that 3rd grade comeback "my dad can beat up your dad".

The UCI does not listen to the riders or the fans and has no respect for their opinion and desires. Take the whole race radio debate or the latest act of powertripping: the UCI approved bike label system. No one asked for these things. The UCI simply made the overarching decision to impose these rules without any regard for the teams, riders, and fans. In the case of race radios, the UCI has, against the wishes of the teams, decided to go ahead with the ban. Why? Because was their decision. They will not budge even though the majority of teams are against the ban. The UCI approved bike label program has been relaxed so it doesn't cost as much for manufacturers. You mean it cost manufacturers something in the first place? This was a money making idea??? Fucking ridiculous.

Now is the time for the riders and teams to take back the sport of cycling. Solidarity. Stop taking the bullying that the UCI hands out daily. Refuse to give them your lunch money and instead give them a punch in the junk. Find the courage to stand up to the UCI or this sport will continue to be mired in a Pleistocene tar pit. The riders and teams, need to be the ones promoting the sport now. The UCI has failed. It no longer deserves the rider's loyalty.

So the next time a rider is singled out for malfeasance before evidence is supplied, the next time an event disappears for financial reasons, the next time you hear teams moaning about the injustice of not being selected for a grand tour, just remember that the UCI is pulling the strings. This problems go away when the riders and teams and promoters tell the UCI to fuck off and rally 'round the family of the true cycling community.

Cap'n

Cap'n Slow's Glossary of Terms and Other Words

2011-01-28T14:34:00.004-07:00

Every sport has its vernacular. Vernacular is just a big word that means "Vern is spectacular". And why he's involved in every sport, I do not know. All I know is that in the VernAcular is often the aligned with "idiom". I had to look up what 'idiom' means. It means to rain cats and dogs.

Because cycling is a sport, it has its own idiom vernacular extravament. Many of the terms and phrases we take for granted as cyclists are completely foreign to those outside the inner circle. Take for instance "pedaling squares". To the unsubstantiated, this may seem impossible as there are no squares on a bicycle. How can a person pedal a square? And that is the reason I have decided to write down some of the terms we use in the cycling order (or cyclorder): because of square pedaling idioms.

So here are a few terms to get you started:

doping: the act of ingesting any substance. The UCI and WADA have determined that all substances are performance enhancing and thus anyone who rides professionally must adhere to a strict diet of air and the dew found on tree leaves. The tree leaves are on the banned substance list.
blood doping: intentionally (or unintentionally) replacing your current blood with blood from: 1) yourself, 2) another human being, or 3) any animal stronger than you. Gorilla blood is found to be superior to all others but causes unsightly leg hair, a dead give away of malfeasance to the doping control officials
road rash: the resulting abrasions and temporary disfigurement from crashing your bike on the pavement. Many cyclists wear their road rash as a badge of honor. The ones that are proud of their road rash should spend less time displaying their bandages and more time learning how to turn.
pure climber: a cyclist about 5'4" tall weighing no more than 120 pounds. Able to climb mountains faster on a bicycle than in a car. You will always find pure climbers gathered together at the top of a mountain looking uncertain as to how they will get back down as gravity has no effect on them.
sprinter: a big guy (by cycling standards) who rides with aggression and passion in the last 20 seconds of a 6 hour race. When a sprinter wins, he performs the traditional victory ceremony called "The Cipo" which involves mating multiple times with every podium girl. When a sprinter doesn't win, he complains incessantly to anyone who will listen. This is called "The McEwen".
tubular: Not to be confused with the surf term of the '80s, a tubular is a tire that costs $100, has to be glued on to the rim, tends to fall off when used, cannot be repaired when punctured, and is used exclusively by professional riders on race day and jack-off posers on the Platte River Trail.
cadence: a term to express how many beers per hour you can consume while watching a cyclocross race.
cyclocross: a form of racing that involves riding what looks like a road bike with knobby tires around a muddy, sandy course outlined by police crime-scene tape. Cyclocross was once the property of road cyclists looking to stay fit in the winter. Now, cyclocross races are the property of fat guys who begin training 1 week before the first race, drink too much after each race, and complain that all the other riders don't know how to ride.
cat-4: a racing category looked down upon by every higher category. cat-4 riders have the reputation of being poor bike handlers, out of shape, stupid, ugly, and lacking hygiene. never mind that cat-4 riders provide about 50% of the riders and thus the income for any given event. So shut your yap.
Power-Tap: not to be confused with what I gave your girlfriend last Saturday night, the PowerTap I'm talking about is a device that costs about $1200 dollars. It measures your power output and displays "you suck" on the little monitor.

So that wraps things up for today. Go forth and Cipo!

Garmin gets it right

2011-01-23T09:40:00.014-07:00

Yeah, I know. This site is supposed to be about cyclocross. But hey...read the blog entries and you'll see that we seldom miss an opportunity to be ridiculous or to rant about something unrelated to 'cross. This is one of those times.

Garmin-Cervelo's fearless leader, Jonathan Vaughters, just fired his top director sportif Matt White. Seems that a past incident saw White send a rider to an unapproved Spanish doctor (not a good idea). The doctor in question, Luis Garcia del Moral worked for both ONCE and the US Postal team, and has been embroiled in several doping controversies. You can read about his indiscretions here. A lot of the 'evidence' of his seediness is based upon angry, bitter, former workers of USPS and some trumped up French investigation that went nowhere. Nevertheless, upon learning about the referral to a non-approved doctor, JV gave White his walking papers.

Good. For several reasons.

First off, good for making the top DS on the team walk the plank. Matt White made a decision on his own, without ANY input from the team, to send a rider to an unapproved doctor and then didn't tell the team bosses what he had done. And some people here think JV is arrogant. Nothing could be more self-important than making a unilateral decision that could effect the entire team's reputation without input from the team.

Second, good for getting rid of the guy because he's a terrible DS. Ever watched Garmin line up a sprint? Its comical. Matt White is unprepared and so is his team. With White "directing" the lead out, Farrar has become first loser more times than we can collectively count. Some people think its because Farrar is simply not that good. Anyone who's ever witnessed White's direction during the last 5k of a sprint finish will understand that White simply doesn't know what he's doing.

Finally, good riddance because he's simply not a team guy. Linked to the GreenEDGE team, Matt White is looking out for Matt White. Loyalty is to be rewarded, treachery is to be punished. Matt White gets his punishment and I hope he likes the taste. Tastes like failure, doesn't it Matt? Mmmm...that's good eatin'! Enjoy your time on the sidelines. With any luck someone will read your handwritten cardboard sign and give you a dollar.

So now Garmin-Cervelo moves on. I think they are a stronger team today than they were yesterday. Vaughters has clearly shown he will hold fast to the team rules regardless of who is involved. He's demonstrated his loyalty to the team players and to the team rules and principals. He's made a decision to unload his top DS people because of disloyalty, dishonesty, and less than 100% buy in on the team's mission. And he's done it without fanfare, without long drawn out investigations, and without hesitation. Nicely done.

The Frites en Mayo website

2011-01-15T09:26:00.003-07:00

Some of you may already know the Frites en Mayo Velo Club has a website. Some of you may have just read the information about 3 seconds ago.

Yes, we have a website. But we need more content. And that means we need YOU, the reader, to give us some ideas as to what should be on the website.

We already know you would like more boobs. So no need to mention that.

As you look at the Frites en Mayo Velo Club website, you will see 'Events' and 'News'. Wanna see your event on our site? Just let us know and we will be happy to post it for free. Got cycling related news that you'd like us to post for you? Let us know and we will post it for free.

How do you let us know? Go to the website and choose 'Contact'. Its that simple. But you can't contact us via the blog. You have to use the website, which by the way, CONTAINS THE BLOG! Absolutely amazing this technology is.

So, start using the website and enjoy all the benefits.

Pics are now up of this weekends Bandido Nationals

2011-01-11T10:28:00.000-07:00

Pics can be found here at PeterAnderson Photography

Hopefully Chewie or Dash will have a race report ready to go later this week.

Sorry for the dead time on the blog. With Brian down with a broken elbow, Captn Slow down with a broken refrigerator, Buzzsaw down with a broken whatever he has and myself staying up with a new addition to the family, this has been ignored for far to long.

We are also working on an updated site with some new features and a better way to call people out.

Bandido Winter Supernational Cyclocross

2010-12-27T13:24:00.004-07:00

We are putting the band back together for one last Bandido National race. Jan 9th. You bring your cross bike. We will bring the pain factor.

Sunday, January 9, 2011 · 12:00pm - 3:00pm

Location Bandido HQ - 8412 Wheatgrass Circle, Parker CO

More Info Since Pikes Peak was cancelled and we need to crown the Winter Supernational Champion, get ready for the final Bandido CX of the season.

Newbies, MTB, and anyone welcome.

Winners will have an exclusive photo in the MEX National jerseys while holding the Denver Spoke Golden water bottle cage trophy.

Beer, BBQ and bragging/heckling to follow the race.

Last Minute Christmas Gift Ideas for the Bike Wrencher in Your Life

2010-12-21T15:01:00.025-07:00

So your significant other is a serious bicyclist and you're having trouble finding a holiday gift for them. You've come to the right place. If you aren't familiar with cycling yourself, you probably have more questions than answers:

Like, "How can a group of hundreds of sweaty guys that shave their legs and wear skin-tight technicolor spandex NOT seem gay?" Don't even get me started on embrocation or chamois cream. "It rubs the lotion on its skin."

Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, gifts for that hard to shop for cycling do-it-yourselfer on your list. The first thing you need to know is that there are different levels of licensed bicycle mechanics ranging from 1 to 4. Like Google's search engine, no one is quite sure how it works, but it appears that the mechanic's "level" seems to be inversely proportional to the number of parts that fall off their own bike during a race. The cobbler's children have no shoes.

So here are a few holiday gift ideas categorized on mechanic's classifications.

Repair Stand

Level #4 - We've all been there.

Level #3 - Extra points for effort.

Level #2 - Pretty much the 'Cadillac' of repair stands.

Level #1 - This particular model has been unavailable for some time, but according to People Magazine and Entertainment Tonight, will be back on the market shortly. Get your orders in soon.

Headset Press

This is one of the more delicate bicycle maintenance activities and should be handled with the most appropriate equipment.

Level #4 - We've been there too. The ultimate emergency trailside repair tool. The rock.

Level #3 - For those who have graduated up a level and possess the dexterity of a surgeon.

Level #2 - Don't laugh. Works great.

Level #1 - "Cadillac" model of headset press. Those of you who have both the Cadillac model headset press AND repair stand, you suck.

Honorable Mention - Not quite pressing it the right way to install a new headset, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her or say much else either.

Bike Washing

Level #4 - Get serious. We don't wash our bikes at this level unless we accidentally plunge head-first into a stream or a lake.

Level #3 - Good ol' elbow grease.

Level #2 - Portable Powerwasher - 12v or battery powered (Yeah, you've got one of these too. Gee whiz.)

Level #1 - Probably should take the bottle out of the cage to really get it clean. However, Dash Riprock would not allow this as only he can wash his bike correctly.

So, there you have it. Hopefully your favorite cyclist will have one or all of these underneath the tree this holiday season!

WOW...was there anybody else racing at Nats?

2010-12-14T10:33:00.000-07:00

Well the mud has dried, the clothing is clean again and everyone is back to thier "day" jobs after a very exciting CX Nats up in Bend. But did anybody really show up except the CO contingent?

Starting with some goofey time trials and some non-championship races on Thursday (which CO also took 1-2 in) and rolling through Sunday afternoon, it appears that the nice weather that never left CO during cross season did not hamper the fast kids when they hit the pacific NW and thier mud/rain/snow mix. With a total of 26 medals and 13 National Championship Jerseys (thanks for the update 303cycling) coming back to the state, I can confirm, from multiple sources, that we kicked thier ASS all over the course. Alas, the FMVC team watched from thier computer screens while drinking a St Feuillien Cuvee De Noel and getting the off season started on the right foot.

Now this is also coming from a state that has no USA Cycling affliation except they work in COS. We have our own race series, only 4 races in a 26 race calendar that are put on for the Elite level athlete only when the NACT (god rest its soul) and the USGP (laughing all the way to the bank next year) show up with it's travelling circus.

It was great to read all the twitter updates, posts of live commentary on CXMagazine, the live video from both Elite races via CyclingDirt and the thrill that everyone had announcing winners and race updates from the front line.

The season is still going on though. With 4 more races yet to be run, 2 of them with CO Cross Cup points, who is going to show up and who has started hitting the bottle? I hope to see lot's of racers up in Lyons this weekend though.

CO kids already kicking some ass in Bend

2010-12-09T08:59:00.001-07:00

So yesterday was the first day of Cross Nats in Bend. They have some "warm up" races called the "B races of Nats" and check out who won yesterday

Men – Open – Non-championship – 40-99
Place Points Name City, State Time

1 150 Michael Robson Boulder, CO 0:42:31

2 135 Darron Cheek Breckenridge, CO 43:40

Now we know these guys race in the 35+/45+ field week in and week out.
Michael has won 7 races this year in 35+ and was 3rd in 35+ on Saturday.
Darron has been racing 45+ all year and has a win and is 6th in CO Cup Points.

Looks to be shaping up to be a great weekend for CO Cross once again.

Tom Hall says - upgrade damn it

2010-12-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

Our resident singlespeeder, Tom "The Big Man" Hall has some friendly advice for you in the following video...

Just in Time for Yaxmus

2010-12-06T18:30:00.008-07:00

Now is your chance to show the world just how much of a Team FMVC fan you are!!!!!

We have a few (2 XL Long Sleeve, 3 XL Short Sleeve) Official FMVC wool jerseys left.

There are several guys out there on other Colorado based teams that secretly covet the FMVC and have them. Now, for the low, low price of $90, it is your chance to be one of the PHAT bastards that sport the FMVC.

Just email tiggerinchains@hotmail.com if you are interested. Once they are gone.... they will never come back.

Examples of each, modeled by yours truly below.

The short sleeve is specially cut to make the arms look

bigger and the gut smaller.... except on Capn' Slow.
'cause he's already ripped -- added by Cap'n Slow

The Long Sleeve is almost (but not quite)

guaranteed to make you fast in the cold.

Items that these jersey do not do:

- Prevent bones breaking in a crash.

- Make you go faster when you are hung over from too many Leffe's the night before.

- Keep your leg warmers from falling down mid race

Interview with the fast guy

2010-12-05T20:09:00.003-07:00

The Colorado State Cyclocross Championships of Colorado have come and gone. This weekend we saw some of the top sandbaggers in the state compete for grand prizes and bragging rights and a jersey that says "I just won the state championships and all I got was this lousy jersey".

Whenever a big event like this rolls around, I am inclined to speak with our resident Frites en Mayo skinny-fast guy, Matt Klick.


"During the week, I am a Yeti."

Matt has moved into the territory of cat-3 contender and after the race I spoke with Matt about his training, his tactics, and his ability to grow a beard in 45 minutes that would make Chuck Norris jealous.

"Matt Klick's beard makes me jealous."

What follows is an actual interview with Matt Klick (as far as you know).

Capn:  Matt...I am so disappointed with your ride today.  Third?  That's all you could manage?  THIRD?

 Matt:  What?  Wha?  I did my best!  

Capn:  THIRD!!!!  YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WIN!!!  I LOST AN ENTIRE MONTHS SUPPLY OF CHUCK COYLE'S SPECIAL "STRAWBERRY PRESERVES" ON THIS RACE!!!

Matt:  Umm...I don't know what to say...I rode as hard as I could.

Capn:  Don't say anything.  Lets just do the interview.

Matt:  Ummm...Ok....

[hours later...]

Capn:  So Matt...when was the last time you actually WON a race?

Matt:  Are you still mad?  That was hours ago.  Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a delicate flower?

Capn:  I'm not mad.  I'm cold and frightened.  I'm having withdrawal symptoms and Chuck wants to know where his money is.  

Matt:  Oh.  Well, to answer your question, I won a race or two last year and finished second last week.  I haven't won in a while but I'm getting closer.

Capn:  Ok.  So when do you PLAN on winning a race?

Matt:  Next week.

Capn:  You better.  I need my fix and Chuck is gonna be upset if he ever finds out I used his credit card.

[dramatic pause while Cap'n Slow sobs in the corner...]

Matt:  Umm...I can come back later.   Would that be best?

Capn:  No no...lets do this.  Matt, tell me about training with Randy Gaffney.

Matt:  This year I trained with Randy Gaffney.  He's a scary man.  I feel like I'm being coached by Tony Soprano.

Capn:  Fascinating.  Did you learn anything?

Matt:  Well, Randy taught me to ride with fear and at the same time look sexy in a skinsuit.

Capn:  That IS one sexy looking skinsuit.

Matt:  Yeah, it makes my junk look bigger.

Capn:  Really?  I feel sorry for your wife.

Matt:  Huh?  What's that supposed to mean?

Capn:  Nothing.  Just talking out of my ass here.  Anyway...Matt, what is the biggest change from racing last year to racing this year?

Matt:  Probably the skinsuit.  I attribute all of my success to the junk enhancing properties of the skinsuit.  I haven't taken it off since I first put it on.

Capn:  Must be hard to pee...

Matt:  Not really.  It has a very absorbent chamois.

Capn:  Snazzy!  Does it have any other great qualities?

Matt:  Yes it does, thanks for asking.  In addition, it gives me the ability to see 3 seconds into the future.

Capn:  Really?  That's not a very good super power.

Matt:  I knew you were going to say that.

Capn:  Good one, Matt!  Hey...about the race today:  why did you keep looking behind you on the last two laps?

Matt:  Oh God....I sure hope Coach Gaffney didn't see me do that.  He beats me with an inner tube whenever he catches me doing that.  That's not going in the interview is it?  Please don't tell him I looked behind me!

Capn:  Your secret's safe with me.  One final question, Matt.  We noticed that at the beginning of the race you were clean shaven but 45 minutes later, you had a full beard.  Would you say you are the hairiest man in the cat-3 category?

Matt:  Yes.  My new nickname should be "Chew-bike-a".  I mean, look at me!  I'm like a damn wookie.

So yeah, Matt Klick is fast. Mat Klick is furry. And he is also: #3 in cat-3 at States!

Congratulations, Matt! We're all proud of you and envious of that sexy skinsuit.

Feel my Junk

2010-12-02T21:00:00.005-07:00

I went back into the master slicer (Orthopedic Surgeon) today so that he could admire his handy work. He was pretty damn happy with it. A few pics for you guys that love looking at this crap.

Nice Zipper, Eh?

Top View - Looking down at the inside of my elbow.

Side View - It's pretty safe to say.... this thing is screwed down and going nowhere.

In an not quite sure if there is enough titanium to set off the detectors at that airport. I am thinking not. However, I that is not the case, I will have to get used to the new "aggressive pat down" procedures.

I started PT this evening with the first session..... We are thinking that I can be back on the bike in less than two months. But first, I got considerable amont of work to get back all the movement in my right elbow that I lost. Bring on the pain.

WTF Chuck, I have found your "ghost" teammates..they are still racing

2010-11-26T22:37:00.001-07:00

Ok, I cant take this any longer. The whole Chuck Coyle thing is a cluster fuck of epic proportion. This is a direct quote from Chuck on multiple sites:

“There were several guys on my team that didn’t have bank accounts,” they didn’t have anything — no laptop, no credit cards. They literally cashed their paychecks at the bank and paid for everything with cash. Whenever they needed to buy something online, they’d ask to use your credit card and pay you back in cash. As far as I can tell (with the evidence USADA presented), we were at a race, and someone used my computer, had access to my email, and bought dope with it. I was none the wiser.”

Ok Chuck, are you effing kidding me? My wife doesn't even have all my credit card numbers or the password for my email address.

Then there is this great one

"I don’t have $20,000 to fight it, and these (former teammates) have ghosted, just disappeared. I can’t find them. USADA was threatening me with a four-year or lifetime ban, and in the end I had no choice but to sign their document and accept a two-year suspension.” Coyle believes he knows who ordered doping products using his computer, but was said he was “explicitly told” not to name them for fear that he would be slapped with a defamation lawsuit".

Hey Chuck, I was able to find all of your teammates that were on the 2007 Team Successful Living Presented by Parkpre USA by just using Google. See the internet has this cool search function that can find almost anything about anybody and it is FREE!!! You could even take your laptop over to Vics and they will also let you connect and search it too.

International teammates:

Alessandro Bazzana (ITA) - For the 2010 season he was racing for Fly V Australia, which is the new Pegusus Racing team. I going to guess that he has a bank account since they have to deposit his money into it each month. His USA Cycling number is/was 257488.

Dusan Ganic (SER) - It appears that he got busted over a year ago in Italy for being part of a huge doping ring with Aleksandar Nikacevic another cyclist that briefly rode for Mapei and Alessio.

Ricardo Escuela (ARG) - This guy raced in 2009 for Team Type 1 racing here in the US. It appears that he currently races back in Argentina for a team called Los Mineros (The Miners) he just finished up some races there according to this website (it will need to be translated since it is in spanish). His USA Cycling number is/was 257489.

Christian Valenzuela (MEX) - I could not really find anything for this guy. This link says that he might be living back in Mexico and not racing at all. Guess his EPO ran out and he was not really that good huh?

Now for his US teammates:

R Curtis Gunn - As of March 15, 2010 Curtis was racing and living in Tucson AZ and racing for the Williams Wheels p/b SC Velo. According to this blog post he was going to race San Dimas stage race in CA. USA Cycling license number is 51219

Alexi Martinez - Dude races for Adageo Energy Cycling team. He is currently 23 years old. He might have been doping since he was 20. Come on man, dont you know that your dick shrinks when you take EPO and other dope and chicks dont dig small dicks from dudes? USA Cycling license number is 190569

Daniel Ramsey - in 2009, he raced for Mountain Khaki's EP-NO...EPO YES is what I got to say. As of these results, he is also racing with Curtis Gunn on the Willimas Wheels team. USA Cycling license number is 29107

Ryan Yee - According to USAC, he has not raced since 2007 with Successful Living. But according to this link, he was the damn team manager for Successful Living. Now we all know that this guy had to have a computer, the link has an email address for him and he should have a credit card. USA Cycling license number is 98357

I am sure that you dont give a shit about my blog and writings. But come on man.....you have got to be smarter than this. You are worried about guys that have no laptops (which means they have no internet connection and might not have heard about this), they have no credit cards (so they really dont have a way to take you to court for defemation) and you just lay down and take what USADA gave to you. I would give them names, places, locations and kept racing, just like your "friends or teammates" that just threw you under the bus, a really big bus.

Now I dont really give a shit about your friends in the bubble that support you. Frankly, I am amazed that there has been so much silence coming from the Bubble. Maybe the Bubble has an embargo talking about this? Maybe there are more names that are going to come out and they dont want to say anything.

Maybe you could have taken the money that you got back from selling your portion of the Hudz Team and the profits that you have from The Pros Stuff and find a good lawyer that can help you out. I know that it can done for way less than $20,000 USD.

For all the work that I have done for you Chuck to start your case, which took me about an hour or so, I will only charge you $100.00 USD. I just need to have enough money to register the team that I race on with the ACA since the only thing this team is on is Belgium Beers and frites. They make you fat, not fast but we have a smile on our face at the end of the day and none of us have the moniker of "Convicted Doper"

PSA announcement

2010-11-25T10:35:00.000-07:00

The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual writer(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the Frites en Mayo Velo Club as a whole.

Now, what we can all agree upon is this...Dopers Suck!!!

They should be tarred and feathered in public and made to say "I'm Sorry" to each person that they have raced against in thier category. This will bring even more public shame to them and maybe other's will think twice about putting a needle in thier ass for perspective of winning an ACA race, a OBRA race or a USAC race.

Here is the issue that has everyone fired up today: VN rights an article about Chuck Coyle being suspended for a analytical positive (lawyer speak for something) of EPO and IGF. They come to Chuck and say the following:

USADA: Hey Chuck, we have your credit card and shipping info from a purchase of EPO and IGF that you made way back in 2007. Yea we know that is is 2010 but the wheels of justice work slow down in the Springs. What do you have to say for yourself?

Chuck: What you talkin about Willis? I didn't do anything like that

USADA: USADA guy show's Chuck the information that they got (presumably through the Joe Papp investigation) with his info on it, quantities, dates and treatment options.

Chuck: Shit!! Ok, I bought the stuff but never used the stuff. I have never failed a drug test that I have taken from you guys or anyone else.

USADA: Chuck, here is what we can do for you. You cop to this and we give you a 2 yr suspension and you can come back to race again when your 40, ok?

Chuck: I just read on VN that some dude in MI got 2 years also. Guess that is going rate right? He did not test positive either but he was also shipped the same stuff as me. Ok, you got yourself a deal.

USADA: Dumbass masters racers.

So, moral of the story is this....DONT USE DRUGS unless they are prescribed from your physician and you have a TUE card handy.

Cap'n Slow's Foaming Rant

2010-11-24T19:15:00.000-07:00

I am a 'cross racer. Yeah, I ride on the road, too, but my racing happens on the dirt and if I'm lucky, in the mud. I am not fast, I am not a good bike handler (but I'm better than most roadies), and I'm not exactly thin or fit. But there two things I am: passionate and opinionated. And when cycling is involved, my passion swells, my opinion stiffens, and I will gladly fill you with both.

What Chuck Coyle did to my sport today has pissed me off beyond belief. Don't know who Chuck is? Of course you don't because you've only heard of him if live in Colorado and race 'cross in the Denver/Boulder area. For the billions of you that don't know, Chuck is a 38 year old local 'cross racer at the PRO level here in Colorado. He races for the Hudz-Subaru team. And now he's serving a 2 year suspension for doping.

I'm not kidding. He really doped. The man cheated so he could be competitive in some local races held by promoters that give away a few hundred dollars (at best) to the winner. Chuck cheated so he could be the tallest midget in the circus. He cheated so he could win a box of Clif bars.

I usually just accept the fact that cyclists dope. I do that because I figure the guys being successful at the Elite level in Europe have to do everything possible to satisfy the demands of high dollar salaries and corporate sponsor pressure. "Its different at that level", I used to think. And then some guy like Chuck Coyle gets busted for doping at the local scene, a place that sees ME race on the same day.

And you know what? THAT fact is what bugs me the most: I race with this guy. Not in his category, but with him on the same courses. I see him every weekend. I've wrenched bikes for his teammates, and cheered him on as I rest on a hill after my race is over. If a rider feels there is pressure to do well, he needs some serious shock treatment because in reality there is no pressure to do well at this level. We race under the ACA banner, a group that still doesn't want to use timing chips or anything else developed after the light bulb. And you know what? That's fine with me because 'cross is about fun. 'Cross is about hanging out with your friends after the race talking about the course and then heckling the racers to come.

When someone starts fucking with MY fun, I get pissed. And Chuck Coyle took my fun, bent it over a chair and did it dry. According to the VeloNews article, he did this for several years. My beloved cyclocross has been boned by a doper since 2007 and not only did I not suspect anything, I actually cheered for Chuck. And all the while, he was hitting the EPO and other unpronounceable drugs so he could continue to screw my sport.

I don't care why Chuck doped. I don't fucking care because there is NO EXCUSE for doping at this level. No one can justify the use of performance enhancing drugs at this low level of 'cross because there is no pressure to succeed. There isn't. Some may try to argue otherwise but they are wrong. Cyclocross in Colorado is about fun and staying fit, not about winning, not about podiums, not about appealing to sponsors. What sponsors? You mean the ones that give you a free kit and 2 water bottles every year? You're doping for THAT???

So, doping hits me personally today. I can't even line up at a local 'cross race without knowing there are people willing and actively cheating so they can outsprint me for 35th place in the cat-4 race. My teammate Matt can't go to States without knowing someone in his category is on drugs just so they can compete with him. Its just unfathomable to think of, too mind-boggling to comprehend. There are dopers at the lowest, most pathetic levels of cycling. How disgusting.

I want to own a Honda now

2010-11-23T10:05:00.000-07:00

Stone Cold Busted

2010-11-17T20:14:00.005-07:00

So... Today started out as normal Wed during this CX season. On the bike at 0615 and a commute to work around Cherry Creek Res to get in some intervals. Today I felt pretty good after three 12 minute efforts.......finally over the cold that had been dogging me for most of the last month.

Then it was just an easy ride down the bike path into work. I came out of the park, across the street and onto the path. I slowed way down to navigate a 90 degree right turn and before the thought of "Oh Shit!" could enter my mind, I was on the deck and sliding on ice. At the end of my decent but before the slide I did a fabulous one point landing on my right elbow and confirmed that frozen concrete is indeed very hard.

I flopped around on the ground for a few minutes as my the feeling in my right arm went from numbness to pain. I finally got to my feet and tried to "walk it off". things got a little better...... then I tried to bend my right elbow. It was not the pain, but the sensation of gravel in the joint that gave me pause. So, I decided to stop doing that.

The final 6 miles of the commute to work was done with the right arm hanging straight down.

I headed straight in to the company nurse who nearly passed out at the sight of the giant goose egg on my elbow.

Next stop......X-rays in the ER

Finally, the doc comes in and says....."You have a monster break in your elbow."

Yeah..... I know....It's not supposed to look like that.

but check out that goose egg!!

So...... the 2010 CX has drawn to an abrupt end for this FMVC'er.

Not to worry. I get surgery to wire things back together when the swelling goes down next week and I am already laying in plans for next year.

Your last gasp at cross on grass this Saturday

2010-11-17T12:23:00.001-07:00

Come one, come all. This Saturday the second annual Alpha Cross #2 at Arapahoe County Community Park

Click here for flyer

Edit: Just got this info from Flippin Flapjacks: "Actually, Flippin' Flapjacks will be serving FREE pancakes and sausage, but will be taking donations that go to the Alpha Junior Cycling Program."

Flippin Flapjacks will be setting up the table/trailer with pancakes and sausage for a nominal fee. I believe that some of that money goes to helping out the Alpha Bicycles Jr Cross program, so you get fat and the kids get new stuff to race. It is a win/win combination.

There will be a bouncy house for the kids of all ages to play in while you slog around the course. Just think, you can give your wife the morning off from watching the kids while you race. Again, a win/win combination.

The Honorable Larry "LG" Grossman keeping everyone entertained before/during/after the races to boot.

What more could you ask for? Wait, there is MORE!!!

Newbie race also. Bring your buddy who was has been washing your pit bike/doing bacon handups/cracking beers for you all year and have them race to get the full cross racing experience.

Cross race for kids 7 and under. We have all seen the videos of your kid jumping on his bike like Mom or Dad do every weekend. Bring them out for thier first race on the course not just around the parking lot.

Last race of the season that might be close to home for alot of us.

You people in Boulder, get your arse down here and support local racing. No support = less races.

Something I will NOT do

2010-11-06T19:43:00.001-06:00

There are plenty of things I'm willing to try.  As long as it sounds fun and I have a high probability of survival, I'll give it a try.  Hiking is good.  Camping?  You bet.  Ride with my kid?  Anytime!  Snuggle with a hot chick?  I'm there (but where is she?).

But there are plenty of things I will NOT do.  Eat raw oysters?  Not gonna do it.  Try to stay on Rich's wheel as we descend some single-track?  No way.

And there is one other thing that aint gonna happen:  buying a skinsuit for 'cross.  Yeah, the team has come up with some "great deal" on skinsuits.  But...have you seen us lately?  Matt Klick is the only one that has a chance of ever getting OUT of his skinsuit.  The rest of us will be lucky to get into the suit.

There's positively no benefit of wearing a skinsuit when you are as 'fast' as the Frites team.  No benefit to our speed and certainly no benefit to the sport of 'cross.  'Cross is supposed to be a fun event for everyone.  But I can guarantee there will be plenty of horrified spectators should the Frites team line up in skinsuits.  Imagine this picture times 5:

Nobody wins.  Not the crowd, not the promoters, not the other racers.  Skinsuits are better suited for this body type:

and not so much this body type:

So, for the love of all that is good in this world, I will NOT ever wear a skinsuit.  I will make that sacrifice for the benefit of mankind. 

Bandido CX - 2010

2010-11-06T08:01:00.008-06:00

Last week was the annual Bandido CX. It was a well attended event. The race promoter, now known simply as Chewy due to this exploits at last years events, put on an outstanding event. Under Chewy's expert guidance, Bandido CX now has all the ingredients for a successful race: A beer sponsor.

The race is more about the participants and anything. Here are several pics taken by The Official FMVC Photographer.

It was a lively crowd at the the start.

But a complete hush fell with the entrance of El Diablo Sangrado

There were vikings in the crowd that were not so impressed with El Diablo

The start was furious.... ok... not really.
Turns out, the race was something that needed to be done before we got to the beer.

Crossniacs in the Ditch of Death.

El Diablo Sangrado demonstrates the proper way to ford the Ditch of Death.
It is a multi-step process of jump in and crawl out.

The ICCC brothers were on hand to clean up any of El Diablo's handy work.

Speed across the Ditch of Death required concentration and proper breathing.

Ah yes.... the infamous two handed bike drag.
A long forgotten and hard to perfect technique.

Danny Flapjacks shows his talent with the "no look" crossing of the Ditch of Death.

It would not be a Bandido CX without a river crossing.

There were two lines through the water.
Here, Cap'n Slow demonstrates the dry foot approach.

Here our Nordic friend shows the soaked shoe approach.

The Crossniacs came in several sizes, shapes, and colors.

Eventual winner of the women's competition.

The race promoter shows how to get things done.

It is not uncommon for women to faint at the sighting of El Diablo Sangrado crossing a river.
It is also quite common for the border patrol and ICE to become involved.

The Ninja.

Presentation of the winner Jersey to top female.

Men's Bandido CX Champion

And now.... for the beer.

Once the Angels showed up, El Diablo was scarce.

2010 Bandido CX Video.... Turn up the volume!

Bandido CX 2010 from Brian Graves on Vimeo.

Cap'n Slow's Horoscope of Astral Mysticism

2010-11-03T13:29:00.000-06:00

Whoa. The Cap'n went to bed last night and as he was falling asleep, he had a vision. A vision of a hamburger covered in onions and hot peppers. That vision turned into reality and after eating such a culinary masterpiece the Cap'n went back to bed and dreamed his dreamy dreams of the future. All with an acid-reflux overtone. In a flash, the Cap'n was transported to a place where visions of the future are reality and reality is a big purple giraffe named Basil. Basil spoke thusly:

Aquarius: This is a good week to start shooting heroin.
Pisces: Yeah baby! I like it when you do that! Mmmm...that's the spot...
Aries: Quit your whining. You're supposed to be the God of War, not the Princess of FairyTown.
Taurus: A cape and a mullet is NOT a good look unless you also wear rubber boots and a thong.
Gemini: The man in the trenchcoat does not have an actual chihuahua for you to pet.
Cancer: Your great idea has already been patented.
Leo: Just because you gave her $50 bucks does not make her your girlfriend.
Virgo: "Contents may be hot" is not a good thing to have written on your underwear.
Libra: Your river of mysticism flows swiftly thru your valley of peace.
Scorpio: Avoid confrontations. You fight like a sissy.
Sagittarius: Two words: nose job.
Capricorn: I know it itches but really, the Dr. says its not contagious.

Cap'n Slow's Advice Column: Becoming a Cat-3 rider

2010-11-02T11:44:00.000-06:00

Things have happened on the Frites en Mayo team. There's been a change in the air. Or maybe just a change of baselayers. Who knows. But this change has brought about a new interest in actually racing well. Yeah, it goes against the foundations of the Frites team and has caused a bit of dissension amongst some of the Frites riders. But, the seas of change are blowing and the ever increasing dust cloud of transformation is threatening to boil away the old Frites mindset.

Old: show up, ride, drink beer.

New: train, show up, ride, drink beer.

Even behind the dusty dust cloud of mutation you can smell a clear difference to the Frites riders this year. We've actually started to take racing seriously. Not so seriously that we have quit our day jobs to train 6 hours a day. Not so seriously that we've taken to eating nothing but Spanish beef. But, seriously enough that we have a training plan and, dare I say it, racing goals.

Some of the team members have been training a while. Me? Only since September. The training has made me strong like small dog and fast like panda. Someday I hope to be strong like bull and fast like squirrel. But hey! One step at a time. I have some clear goals and some equally clear methods of how to achieve those goals. So, because I'm sure you have read enough preamble, I will share with you one of my goals and the steps I plan to take to achieve that goal.

My goal is to upgrade from the dregs of 35+4 drudgery and the millions of minions who clog up the course like that 5th donut in my arteries.  Yes...the Cap'n has a goal of becoming a Cat-3 racer.  

Shut up. Its not that funny.

So now I present to you, Cap'n Slow's Cat-3 Upgrade Advice
1) Be sure to have a clear, attainable goal. The first year, my goal was to drink more beer than Dash. While that goal was very clear, it was also completely unattainable. That's like setting a goal to tap more hookers than Tiger Woods. Ain't gonna happen.
2) Have quantifiable milestones. I've done that. At first I wanted to be a better rider. Lame. Then I set some milestones and have worked toward them.
3) Don't ride tubeless or tubular tires. How many more times to Rich and Brian and Dash have to be hit over the head before they learn this? Clinchers are cheaper, more durable, and easier to deal with. I've never heard of anyone 'burping' a clincher.
4) Listen to Mr. Big Guy. This is obvious. If MBG says race, you race. If he says take a day off, you take a day off. If he says jump, you jump and you don't come down until he says so. Chuck Norris listens to Mr. Big Guy. 'nuf said.
5) Master the techniques of 'cross. Running thru sand and over barriers are both essential to 'cross courses. Currently, the only time I run is if I'm being chased by a bear. And there are very few bears on the course. Learning how to remount the bike without getting nutted is a good place to start when working on technique. But, I have testicles like Idaho Russets and remounts are tricky for me.

If you follow this advice, I can guarantee with great accuracy (+- 50%) that you will be successful in your quest for the Cat-3 holy grail.

Cap'n

Bandido Races this Saturday

2010-10-26T13:38:00.005-06:00

So, the time has come once again to shun racing in the bubble for the best cyclocross race in the state this weekend.

Bandido Cross is back and better than before. Chewy has secured free beer and other swag for the race on Saturday down at his place in Parker. Directions can be found here to Chewy's place

Here is the schedule for the afternoon.

1130am - show up at Chewy's place and bring your halloween costume with you.

1145am - course inspection. This is a new rule that the ACA has been thinking about putting in but needed to wait until someone actually caused a wreck and took down one famous guy racing cross on the front range.

1200pm - Showtime! We will be doing the usual 5-6 laps on a new course, with new tequilla shortcuts, water crossings and places where cheating is actually allowed on race day. Bring you own water wings, walking on water shoes and EPO.

1pm - Feed time. We will be BBQ'ing, drinking and heckling each other for the rest of the afternoon.

Couple of ground rules
1. Bring the whole family. There is a park and open space where the race is being held. This is a family event and want everyone to have fun.
2. Throw an elbow at your competitor just like at the real cross races but this wont get you sent to the penalty box and you will still have a race entry fee in your pocket at the end of the day.
3. Enjoy the afternoon. Even if you dont get the holeshot off the line, let's have fun.
4. NO HEARTRATE MONITORS. If we see them or hear them, they will be swimming with the algae in the creek. Dont make us go all Charles Bronson of Death Wish on you.

Here is the best reason to come to Bandido Cross on Saturday. This was posted by the reigning US National Champion of Cyclocross a couple of hours ago on her twitter feed.........

@KatieFnCompton: Wow, just checked out the Boulder courses for this weekend, can we say boring road racer courses?

Equipment Failure

2010-10-18T20:24:00.006-06:00

Raced both days this weekend. Frustration does even begin to cover the general feeling. Snapped a rear derailleur hanger on lap one on Saturday. Made an extremely piss-poor decision on tire pressure on Sunday that resulted in a 2nd DNF on the weekend.

I shot a video of the first lap of Sunday's race. As you can see, it was a wee bit technical. The little mountain bikers ate this course up. In the video below, you will see two streaks rocket off into the distance at the start. That would be Todd and James who had to be drooling the second they pulled into the parking lot and saw the course.

Congrats and propers go out these two. Hockenberry hit the gas hard from the whistle and never looked back. Not to be outdone, the Angry Asian had a brilliant weekend of racing with podium finishes both days on two vastly different courses. Chapeau!

As with past videos..... high volume is recommended for the best viewing.

On the very positive side, I got an email from one of the BCS CX Ambassadors about racing CX that set me in a more proper frame of mind for learning from this weekend and heading forward into the rest of the season. I cannot say enough good things about what he does for the sport of CX in Colorado.

On a final note, it appears that there will be complete abandonment of FMVC rule #3 this weekend so look for some black wool jerseys in the crowds of racers in the bubble.

Team benefits

2010-10-17T10:15:00.000-06:00

In the world of cycling some teams stand out above the rest. Sometimes the reasons for standing out are superficial: Team Garmin's argyle, Euskatel's blaze-orange, and Frites en Mayo with their black wool jerseys. Sometimes the reason a team stands out is due to a particular rider: Discovery Channel with Lance, HTC-Columbia with Cavendish, Frites en Mayo with Tom Hall. And every once in a while, a team stands out simply because of how well they work together. Hudz-Subaru and Frites en Mayo demonstrated how, even in a cyclocross race, a good team is as uplifting and awe inspiring as a push-up bra.

Hudz-Subaru is a powerful 'cross team here in Colorado and they demonstrated that power once again at "On The Cross", a race promoted by ICCC. On a course that was described as a "criterium with barriers", Hudz-Subaru brought 3 of their best riders, Matt Pacocha, Jake Wells, and Jonathan Baker, and their goal was to take the podium. The only person standing in their way was a kid that some of you may recognize: Garmin rider Danny Summerhill. But...there was one difference. Hudz-Subaru had three guys to Garmin's one. It would shape up to be an unfair fight.

At one point, Baker and Wells had fallen off the pace a bit. Summerhill was drilling it on the front with Pacocha but Summerhill was doing 100% of the work. Lap after lap, Danny was pulling. Slowly but surely, Baker and Wells caught up and then, 3 against 1, it was not a fair fight. While Pacocha went off the front, Baker and Wells sandwiched Summerhill. It was a beautiful demonstration of race tactics amongst 4 of the best riders Colorado has on offer. Absolutely brilliant. One of the best 'cross races I've seen.

Frites en Mayo takes a different approach to team tactics on race day. Anyone who was watching the 35+4 category noticed that on nearly every lap, one of the Frites guys had to bail due to a mechanical or a flat. I however, did not have any mechanicals or flats probably due to the fact that I am a Certified USA Cycling Mechanic and thus I know how to take care of and prep my bike for race day.

As my teammates dropped out of the race, they went to various parts of the course to cheer, coach, and encourage. That was a race saver for me. Brian Graves was handing up bottles and dishing out the coaching. Twice each lap, he was shouting encouragement and advice. There's nothing more helpful than having a teammate remind you about riding clean lines and focusing on the effort. It breaks you out of that mental fog for just a moment so you can get back to concentrating on the race. At another point on the course, right next to the sand pit, stood Danny Flapjacks and Tami McVay shouting encouragement. Hearing someone cheer for you or having someone hand you a water bottle is a great feeling as you are out on the course racing as hard as you can. And, on the last lap, hearing someone say "You've got 5 beats per minute in reserve" is enough to make you look for that place on the course where you can pass the 3 guys in front of you, do a 5 second sprint to gap them, and fall over exhausted at the finish line.

With the help of my teammates, I was able to ride beyond my perceived ability. I've never, NEVER, suffered like that in a race. I've never taken risks like that. And, most significantly, I've never believed that I could actually RACE like that. I've watched bike racing for a long time but this is only my second year of actually racing. I never knew until "On The Cross" just what the racers are going thru when they are in a breakaway, when they are lining up a sprint, or when they are attacking each other in the mountains. I had no idea just how much effort they are dishing out and how much pain they are enduring. Until today. Now I know. To be hurting that much and then make a conscious choice to hurt even more because you want to win is a sensation I never understood until today. I never realized just how far you have to push yourself if you want to win. To have ridden to exhaustion in a bike race gives me a new appreciation for racers at all levels be it local 'cross races and riders like Baker, Summerhill, Pacocha, and Wells or the elite racers hammering thru the cobblestones of Roubaix or time trial at the Tour de France.

I should also say that after the race is when the team benefits really start to flow. You commiserate, commentate, drink-iate some beer-iate, talk with the other racers, drink some more beer, eat bad food, and of course someone has brought along some beer to drink so we stand around drinking beer. What a great way to spend the day!

Great Battles We Would Like to See.... Stybar vs. The Bog

2010-10-15T09:30:00.002-06:00

I finally got a chance to go over to CrossTube.net and catch the video of the last two laps of the Ruddervoorde Superprestige Race. More specifically, I got to watch Zdenek Stybar eat up yet another course. I ended up watching the final lap a couple times.... just in awe of the little things he does. For instance, the last time through the sand pit, he actually soft-pedals to adjust his line so that he can ride right down the tracks of a previous rider. I tried this several times in a very short sand pit up in BV. Each time, I got about 10 feet, blew out of the line and had to throw all the power I could muster to the pedals just to keep from coming to a dead stop.

After seeing Stybar dominate courses and opponents these last couple weeks, I am thinking it would be outstanding to see him take on the course thown at the competitors in the 87 Nats.

As a shout out to Shotty who is over watching the World Cup race in Switzerland this weekend (Yo Shotty.... Nice boondoggle !!!), check out that video again and observe the difference on Stybar and Aernouts as they come into a turn. Aernouts' brakes seem to be set on full break chatter, max vibration mode. Stybar's Shorty Ultimate brakes allow him to break late and he closes the gap without even a pedal stroke.

What you really need to bring to a cross race

2010-10-13T13:14:00.000-06:00

Ok, we have all read the trash over at Velonews about what to bring to a cross race.

So as the Frites team loaded up the cars for the push over to Buena Vista for Sundays race, we came up with the essentials that are needed for a real cross racer. These are in no particular order, we are not paid shills like are journalist brothern at VN and these come with real life experience on how to pack.

Caution - some of this might not be appropriate for the Cat4 one day licensed racer.

1. Toilet Paper. There is nothing worse than having that morning latte run through you while warming up on the course. You hop off the course and scurry quicking to the LBB (little blue box) and then wait in line. Once you sit down, there is nothing there except bad smells and the empty roll. Shit!, literally, I got to go. If you come with your own roll from the car, this is not an issue. Plus, who wants to wipe your soft, chamois cream ass with a single ply roll of plywood paper?

2. Beer. Who does not want to have a nice frosty one after coughing up a lung for the last 45 minutes right? Light American Lager is not beer, it is water with some sugar and rice added then the "brewmaster" pissed in it for that yellow color. Bring something that you and all around you will enjoy. This is not a crit, you want to make friends right? Belgium beers fit the bill. They can be had at almost any liquor store. Spend the extra 3 bucks per six pack and be a man...you are racing in the BDDL (beer drinking dad's league) 35/4's right?

3. Dogs. What is a cyclocross race without your loyal hound there with you? It's called a crit. Your dog loves the outdoors as much as you do. Why not bring them along for the ride. They can go ELB (ears layed back) on the drive down, tie them up to the bumper of your car, they guard the beer during the race, let them run around after you are done and they sleep the whole way home.

4. Spare wheels. We race in CO. Goatheads abound on just about every course we use. Be smart, you paid your 25 bucks (or 40 bucks to race in the bubble of 80301) so why not try to finish the race if you do get a flat and spew white latex all over yourself? Wheels can be had cheap off of CL, ebay, stolen from your buddies garage or your wife's bike. Get a spare set of tires and you are good to go. No reason not to come to fight without the right back up equipment right?

5. Trading Cards. You know what we are talking about. You probably collected them when you were young. They have the players status on the back, where they grew up, position they play. But we are talking about 21st century trading cards. They are free for the taking. While the Frites team was in Vegas for Interbike, we collected these for the rest of our teammates. It has a picture of Amber on the front and on the back of the card, her status (38DD), where she lives (crack house down by Fitzgearlds) and what position she likes (you can come up with your own) to play for your hard earned cash. Best part of these, they make great talking points when they are in the spokes of your rear wheel. Everybody is gawking at them. Let us know if you need any, we have lot's to give away.

6. The proper go fast food. Waffles. Yea, over here on this side of the pond, you bust them out for breakfast with a little bacon, butter and syrup. Over in Belgium, they are the afternoon snack. Doesn't matter when you eat them, just eat them. Lately, Ritual Chocolate located within the bubble has found its way to some of the early season cross races and boy are they good. Made with homemade dough, not mix, these bad boys along with the above beers will keep you hazing/chastising/heckling your fellow races for hours on end. Plus they are coming up with thier own chocolate bar. Support local businesses right?

So there you have it. This is what cyclocross is all about. Not bringing along a damn french press, some specific glove, a clean bike home on top of the car or any other shit they came up with.

Go to the cross race with your freinds, bring the above stuff that FMVC recommends and have a good time. We are all competitive but at the end of the day, we like to revel in what happened to us, not pack the Grizzwald family truckster for the long drive home right?

Buena Vista CX

2010-10-11T19:43:00.012-06:00

Due to the fact that the race on Saturday had the word "Boulder" in the title, FMVC rule #3 applied. After watching the video of 120 guys ride through the Colorado version of the Okefenokee, I have tears in my eyes over the thought that I missed that. No.....Seriously.....Tears.

If you were reading this blog last year, you know that I gushed like a college freshman standing front row at a John Mayer concert about the BV race last year. This years course was similar to last years. The changes they threw in made the course a bit more safe and would have made it easier.... except the South Central Racing boys had ordered up a nice helping of good ol' BV Northern gale to make a course that predominately ran North/South either very hard or very easy. The wind had to be 15 with gust to 20 and got stronger as the day went. It really made things tough on the Northern legs of the course. But it also made you feel like a fricken rock star on the down-wind, down-hill single track section.

Chief Ref Dean Crandall starts things off right with the call-ups. As we are walking over to the start line, I ask how he is planning to do call-ups this week. He says "We are going off of last years final BCR/BCT standings". "Don't bother." I tell him. "You are going to call 30 guys and there are only two that are still racing 35+ 4s. One of those (Shotty) is in Europe and the other is not racing today." At the start line, he proceeds to look over the group, look at his sheet, and instead of using anything that resembled last years final standings, pretty much call up everyone in the order that they have been finishing this year. I know he missed the order on a few because they blew by me later in the race, but off the top of his head, he pretty much nails the first two rows. Then things get funny. He calls up "Rider 109". Turns out later that there was never a rider with that number, it got lost somewhere during the registration process and never handed out. It was just Dean having fun with us. His final greatness comes when he gives The Tom Hall a 4th row call-up. Simply fricken awesome!

Dean blows the whistle and we are off. At the top of the 1st run-up, the course turns North into the head wind. Larry Grossman calls out "Just where I want to be, right behind the big meat" and jumps on my wheel and we head into the headwind. I want to laugh but my heart rate is already at 95% of max. The next 45 minutes is spent with guys desperately trying to get on a wheel to draft in the headwind, guys having big shit-eatin grins has they haul ass down the singletrack assisted by the tailwind, and guys in general having a damn good time racing CX.

By the last lap, the race is pretty stung out. However, just as I come off the 1st Northbound leg and turned South, I get a glimpse of the Todd H. from Team Evergreen dropping off onto the downhill singletrack run. I take every risk I have the balls to pull and hit the downhill/downwind run as hard as I can. My superior weight-to-power ratio pays off and I pull to within a couple seconds of Todd by the very bottom. Now, those of you who know me, know that I am not the slightest bit stealthy. There is a big stair run-up at the very bottom of the course and come skidding into it, Todd sees me coming. Like a spooked mule deer, he hits the gas. The next section of the course is all uphill and his superior power-to-weight ratio leaves me sucking as much air and the North wind can shove down my throat. By the time we get to the top of the climb, I can barely see him. I roll across the line 10th. On a course like this... I am pretty please with that.

Team FMVC finished off the day by packing some Belgian beers down to one of the technical sections of the course along the river and heckling the Pro 1-2 guys as they came through. When we ran out of beer we strapped on a feed back at the local's main hangout and then headed back down the hill.

When I got home, I discovered that all the video I thought I was getting was for not. The card was corrupted. That is too bad because there was some shit that happened during that race that I was looking forward to recording for prosperity. Alas, if it is not on video, it never happened. James, your secret is safe with me.

The official FMVC photographer did capture a few choice pics.

The Cap'n shows off his Jonny Wad - Human Tripod

approach to negotiating switchbacks under the watchful eye of a fan.

Danny Flapjacks - A man of purpose, a man of action,

a man who can cook and serve 64 pancakes at a time.

Team FMVC in action - part 1. Pigeon launches himself

onto the stair run-up by grabbing a fellow racers bike,

jerking if off his shoulder, and throwing it to the ground.

Team FMVC in action - part 2. Dash comes

by next and stomps thru said racers front spokes.

The final time up the stairs.... blown. Breakfast is right at the
back of my teeth and about to see the light of day again any second.

The Tom Hall bagged the DFL spot. That is the 3rd 35+4 race in a row that Team FMVC has entered and locked down the DFL. As an example of the depth of our team, we have done it with three different guys. We challenge any and all comers to try and keep us from getting it next weekend. If you think you got the goods to take us out of DFL.... Bring It!

Like sea lions on the rocky shore.

Team FMVC hits the rocks for some sun, beers, and loud barking noises.

An finally, I am closing this race report. Not with a picture of boobs.... but with a picture of Boups!!!!

Saturdays race is ON with On the Cross

2010-10-11T11:07:00.000-06:00

Just got a quick email from the promoters of the On The Cross race scheduled for this Saturday, the 16th.
The race is going to happen and will be loacted at Thomas Jefferson High School in Denver. Map is here
Address is 3950 South Holly Street Denver, Colorado 80237

Please tell all your freinds and zip code racers to show up even though there is a race in the bubble on Sunday. Should be a cool course with lot's of grass, plenty of parking and close access on and off I-25 and Hampton.

BikeSnob NYC has it right

2010-10-05T16:09:00.000-06:00

You might agree/disagree with him but he makes you think about things.

Today over at BikeSnob NYC is his breakdown of cyclocross and that horrible VeloNews article about what to bring to your local cyclocross race. When did Velonews become the People magazine for cyclists?

Here is the link the BSNYC article: http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2010/10/spending-power-whos-1.html

If you dont read the Snob, you should. Dude is damn funny and finds the best posts via CraigsList each and everytime.

Happy reading!!

Frisco CX

2010-10-04T19:44:00.016-06:00

Frisco 2010...

I race this course every year. I dread it every year. So you're asking.."So dumbass, then why do you do it?" Well, for two reasons. First, because this course requires everything that I am not. The Frisco course starts at a bit over 8600 ft (2600 meters for you guys keeping tabs on this outside of the US and UK). It has way too much vertical in the form on a long climb and the rest is single track and off camber turns. In short, it is built for little mountain bikers...... see Jake Wells. Anyone who knows me will testify that I certainly anything but that. I race it in hopes to someday get better at it. 2nd, this fricken course owes me. Two years ago, I schlepped home with a grade 2 separation in the left shoulder after over-cooking one of those lovely off-camber corners. I maintain a goal of just once, I want to ride it clean.

Mr. Big Guy said it was time for me to quit the wuss training/racing schedule and double up on a day. So, I laid down the extra $10 to get a beat-down in the 45+ Open directly after the 35+ Cat 4s. Call ups were done based on your finish in Saturday's Frisco CX race. I gotta say, even though it caused me to start in the back, it is at least better than calling through 30 names based on last years results to get two guys to the line like we have gone through in the past races this season.

I started somewhere in the 4th or 5th row with the thought of nowhere to go but up and more focused on the effort and body than the placing.

If you read Cap'n Slow's description of the course and would like a visual.... I put together a quick video of Lap 1. Needless to say, the climb that started each lap was a killer. By the way, I recommend good headphones or speakers and loud volume while viewing this one.

After lap 4 I could feel the legs start to go. By the time I climbed that fricken hill a 6th time, they were really starting the long wave of buh bye. They say that the altitude effects your power output the most. In recent testing I completed this weekend, it effects the power output of a Clydesdale even more. As we start into the climb on the last lap, there are two racers 15 to 20 secs ahead. I tell myself... "Come on fatboy, bury yourself and get that wheel. Hold it to the top and you can recover on the downhill". Deeper in the pain cave I go. Halfway up the hill, they are still at least 15 secs out. Phil and Paul tell me to dig into the suitcase of courage. So I dig. Pretty soon, I am digging so hard that I am throwing clothes overboard like I am trying to save a sinking ship. As we near the top of the climb, they are still at least 10 seconds out. A quick look at the heart rate monitor details the issue. The heart rate is barely over 90% of Max. In summary, the excessive strain the hill has put on my limited power/weight ratio has exposed my great weakness and the legs are done. The rest of the race is spend driving as hard as I can with what is left in the tank just trying to hold my position. I cross the line thinking... "Oh joy, I get to do this all again in 10 minutes"

After the finish, I get the official FMVC photographer to pin on the 45+ number and commence to yakkin with the other 35+ Cat 4 finishers in a effort to take my mind of the impending doom. I finally admit to myself that I have maxed out the time I can spend yakkin and need to go line up. As I am walking my bike over to the start line, the ref blows the whistle when I am still 20 feet away. In Colorado, the Women's Open starts 30 seconds after the Men's 45+. So all the ladies are moving up to their place in the starting grid as I come flying through the start line in mid re-mount. Somehow, a major catastrophe is avoided. Half way up the climb on the start of lap one, the legs just explode in an inferno of lactic acid. Evidently coming to a complete stop and sitting for 10 minutes only exercising your jaw is not a good way to clear any acid out of your legs....... who knew? By the time I get to the top of the climb, I am still DFL and probably now only 20 secs ahead of the ladies. I try and drive the legs hard to get the max out of my $10. In doing so, I accomplish the following.

1) I manage to crash Nichole Duke as she is leading the women's open race trying to let her pass in a set of S turns. I apologize over and over until it appears she is more irritated with my apologizing that my crashing her.
2) I latch onto Mrs. Duke's wheel. After a few seconds, i notice that she has a tattoo on her left calf. I drive hard to try and catch up to here so that I can try and figure out what it is. I try squinting at the image churning up and down and she powers along, I can't quite make it out. She then coasts for a bit and I stare with intent..... until I realise that she is setting up for the next set of turns. Only two handfuls of brake keep me from blowing right through the course tape and stacking it up in colossal fashion. It has become obvious that my mind is now as weak as my legs.
3) I achieve the helpless sensation of my mind acknowledging...."Yup dorkboy, you have completely lost control of your bike, this is going to hurt" several times in near high speed crashes only to somehow pull it out at the last instant.

At the end of the 3rd lap, I pull over and take a pull off of the Duvel that the Cap'n is holding. At this point in time, there are few things better than a Belgian Beer Handup. The Cap'n queries about my inability to stay with Mrs. Duke through even the simplest part of the course. I... I.... I got nothing. One more pull of us his beer and I am back out on course.... I paid $10, I sure as hell am not going be a DNF. The rest of the race is spend trying to finish and not be an impedance to any of the others who are actually racing.

I finish... spent. Truly spent. But, the effort was there and I finally rode a Frisco CX course without external damage to myself or the bike. Goals met.

The Cap'n now requests that every race review ends with pictures of boobs..... so in that spirit, here is a picture of a boob.

It's product review night

2010-10-03T21:34:00.004-06:00

We are going to review a couple of products today that is needed by every cross racer on the planet. It is easier to write reviews that write race reports for this simple reason: who wants to read another report about how an out of shape dad raced to a bottom third placing while yelling FU at the leaders putting you a lap down right?

Avid Shorty Ultimate Brakes
So just like every other cross racer on the planet, we have something to bitch about at every race. Most involve the best Belgium beers, who should have won the last GVA race and why do my brakes not stop me and all of a sudden I went ass over tea kettle at the hairpin.

We have all rode on Spookys, XT's, Suntour XC Pro, Avid shorty 4's and any other brake on the market that might slow you down but all they did was increase your pucker factor and cause the front fork to shake and shimmey more than a hulu dancer on the last Elvis in Hawaii show.

So about 2 years ago, our friend Chris Shotwell had these trick brakes on his bike but since he is so fast we never really got a great look at them. So we got him drunk after a race and looked at these things. They were cool, really cool because you could make them wide for mud and they stopped and you could also make them tall and narrow for regular riding and they stopped. Imagine that, a brake that actually works.

Fast forward 2 years and these things have finally hit the market. Now, we are racers, so we want these for free right? So we ask, hey Shotty, can I have some of these cool brakes for free. His response: chirping crickets. Ok, I get the picture. So I drop my hard earn cash on a set of these and could not be happier. Setup is super easy, detailed instructions sheet and Ti bolts to boot. Plus they actually stop when you need to.

You need to have these brakes on your bike. Chris has put his heart and soul into these things and his job at SRAM is contingent on you buying these things. Plus, if they are good enough for Stybar (World Champ), Nys (Cross God), Tim Johnson (US Champ), Shotty (designer of these great brakes) and this fat kid, they are good enough for you too.

A couple of minor points to the brakes: You have to have a T-10 Torx wrench to adjust these from tall to wide. Most bike shops dont carry this and it is somewhat hard to find. The ti bolts are somewhat soft. Brian got ham fisted with his and rounded one off but it is still useable. But other than that, call up your local LBS, CXWorld or whoever you get your stuff from and get a set quick or dont blame your subpar equipment when you blow another corner and bitch about this after the race.

Outlaw Earth Messenger Bag

So while part of the Frites team was in Vegas for Interbike and CrossVegas, we ran into Ashley over at Outlaw Earth. She has a Golden CO based company making some of the best messenger bags around. You might have seen some of her handy work last year at the CO State Cross Championships. She made up the bags for the podium finishers. This is the bag of choice for the Frites team this year.

There are 3 sizes to choose from. Brian and Dash have opted for the larger size while I pack better than they do and went with the medium size. I also opted for the newest custom model for the USGP and could not be happier. Made with very heavy and durable Cordora, reflective straps, waterproof material to protect your stuff, big buckle so you dont hang your self trying to get it off and big zipper pockets on both sides of the flap, you can store all your valubale things: Iphone, Droid X, EPO syringes and your coupon for buy one get one free over at the Skylark for the Tuesday night PBR special.

Ashley also has some bags on sale that might fit your fancy also. Give her a shout and she can hook you up, also follow her on twitter @outlawearth

We here at Frites HQ like to support CO companies as much as possible. Coming soon, more local products to review and pimp to the people. See everyone down at BV next Sunday. First race that "means anything" so hop in your car and go for a drive in the mountains and support this race.

I really hate lemons

2010-10-03T16:09:00.001-06:00

Sometimes life gives you lemons. And pretentious people with no perspective or frame of reference will say "make lemonade." Screw that. Who want's lemonade at a time like this? If I wanted something to drink, I'd go get a beer.

Instead of making lemonade, I prefer to put those lemons in a tube sock and beat life over the head with it. Take that!

Today at Frisco, was all lemons. I didn't want to go in the first place but I had already committed to racing and any further shenanigans on my part would have caused some concern as well as unleashed a torrent of heckling from the team. Can't have that, so, unprepared for racing, I went to Frisco.

I got there in time but had to walk about a mile from the parking area to the registration booth. On this walk, I met Brian Graves who was warming up on the long hill. He stopped, smiled, and recommended that I just take this day as a training day. I asked why and he said it wasn't really a course that suited me. Lots of off camber, loose stuff. Was he ever right.

I managed to get registered in time for the start. But, by the time I found a place for my daughter to sit, and unloaded all her stuff, there was only 7 minutes before the start. Words of advice: give yourself more than 5 minutes of warm up before trying to sprint up a hill to start a 'cross race.

I lined up in last place at the start and stayed there the entire 45 minutes. No, I didn't just sit there at the start for 45 minutes. Please try to keep up, OK? The start of the race was savage and I couldn't believe the speed at which everyone climbed the start hill. Is everyone in 35+4 on EPO or something? It was unbelievable. At the top of the hill I was about 8 seconds behind. I never saw the pack again as we turned hard left and started down hill thru some sort of fire road covered with wood chips.

Wood chips are NOT a surface that I recommend for high speed cornering but the worst was yet to come. A few turns later, I found my tires buried in some sort of sand/gravel mix that has no reason to exist on this earth. Mother nature condemns your usage of such substances. Sand is OK. Gravel is OK. But sand and gravel together are supposed to be mixed into concrete which is a great surface, one I recommend. Apparently the folks in Frisco forgot a few ingredients. I call "surface fail".

A few more turns and I was into the barrier section, which was preceded by more gravelsand. Three barriers to hop over and oh yeah...the made a 180degree turn out of them. Just great. Back on the bike and get ready for more, you guessed it, gravel and sand mother-earth abomination. This section could only be described as "my dick" as it was both thick and long. And try as hard as I could, I just couldn't find a line that was decent. By the time I got out of that quagmire, I was gassed and the race was a good minute or two ahead of me. Time to just drop into training mode. Try to get SOMETHING out of this race. Fitness fail.

But, training mode is not good enough when the race leaders come around. Shouting and obviously very concerned about their chance at victory, they quite unkindly kept shouting at me to clear the course until I told them "Fuck off or go around me." The chose to go around me. But I'm really the one at fault. I mean, they were about to go for the win in the most prestigious of all categories, 35+4. And the winner of this race can then show up at his real job on Monday and, while dropping another batch of fries, brag to the cute cashier about his glorious victory. So, the next time you feel like yelling at me to get out of the way, just remember that on Monday, she's not going to be impressed by your victory. She's still going to consider you the tallest midget in the circus and nothing more.

And in the end, I finished where I started: last. It was a miserable experience. I am not suited to such a course, especially when it resides at 9000' above sea level. In fact, I'm not suited to ANY course at 9000' above sea level. But...there were waffles, bratwursts, and beer and at the end of the race I partook of all that could be had. Naturally there was no lemonade because who the hell wants lemonade when you can have beer?

The upcoming week will be very interesting. There's a lot of uncertainty and the potential for either great "win" and happiness or equally great "fail" and sadness. But just let it be said that if I get any more lemons, life is going to get one HELL of a beating for it.

I am magic

2010-10-02T12:25:00.000-06:00

In 'cross there are many unwritten rules: A keg MUST be provided by the promoter, you cheer for everyone, you always take pictures of riders on the worst section of the course, etc.

But in 'cross, many hard and fast rules of the universe fail to hold true in particular when it comes to magic.

Don't believe me? Fine. Let's have a review of events past, OK?

Last week, Danny Summerhill got the hole shot in the men's open race and lead the pack thru the first turn. Upon seeing this, I said to the folks around me "Watch this guy. His bike handling skills are amazing." Summerhill immediately dumped a chain, lost 30 seconds or more and two laps later, launched himself over the handlebars in an attempt to look like Greg Louganis. Applying Holmes-ian logic, I, Cap'n Slow, am a harbinger of doom.

Lets look at another example from that day. Brian Graves is totally slaying it out on the course. I, Cap'n Slow offer him a handup so Brian can continue to drop the pain on his rivals. Brian takes said handup as well as the advice "Now make it really hurt, Brian" from me. He immediately falls all over his bike as if he's been shot. Once again, Holmes would reason that my words doom racers to flying over the handlebars. But I reason otherwise.

See, all it takes is one counterexample to disprove a theory. And so, I give you the example of Danny Flapjacks climbing Wildebeest Hill. Flapjacks got to the top successfully to the cheers of thousands. Upon remounting the bike, burned down and fell over. He was able to save his bike by allowing it to land on top of him. Right before the savagery of that scene, I had yelled "Go Danny. Clean remount!" And then he crashed, rolled around in the dirt for a while, and finally got back on the bike.

Ok, not the best example for disproving the spellcasting theory.

But really, do my words bring horrors and distress to so many people? Yes, I may have received the eye-of-the-zombie from Summerhill when I shouted JOKINGLY for him to move to the front and take a pull. And yes, I once said to my brother "there's no way I can hit that rabbit with this tennis ball" right before I knocked it senseless from 60'6". And, fine, I once said to an ex-girlfriend that "I can last all night" and then fell asleep 5 minutes later.

So maybe my words hold a certain power. I plan to test the theory this weekend in Frisco as I cheer for all my rivals in the 35+4 category. I expect that many of them, now knowing the power of my words, will simply not show up. In fact, I'm counting on that.

And Brian is counting on someone else giving him handups.

Yes Virginia, Cyclists ARE Cool!

2010-09-29T21:57:00.015-06:00

I realize I may be preaching to the choir a bit. If you are a cyclist, you are frequently reminded that we are not always welcome, usually by a motorist, horseback rider, an off-leash dog walker, the City of Blackhawk, etc. Yes, cyclists can be a quirky bunch, but I believe cyclists get a bad rap. Cyclists are friendly and good sports.

For example, say you go for a ride with your buddy who doesn't ride regularly. Do you put the hammer down? Do you crush his legs, lungs, and spirit? No. You probably rode an easier pace and course than you normally would. If you did drop your friend, you probably slowed up, swung back around, or waited at an appropriate spot.
Let's turn that around. Have you ever gone golfing with a friend who golfs often and very well? Did they lay-up, shoot a few into the trees on purpose, or play below their capacity? Hell no. They crushed your miserable 138 and 13 Mulligans with their usual 95.

Or, have you gone bowling with someone who competes in a league? Did they shoot a few into the gutter for you so you wouldn't feel so bad? Nope. They were throwing those bone-crushing strikes that you swear should break the pins in half.

So back to the bike ride. Upon checking your average speed and cadence, did you roll your eyes and point to your wrist to get them to hurry up? Of course not. You probably encouraged them letting them know they're really close to the top. Back to the golf course. Have you ever heard, “We got to hurry this put. The guys behind us are trying to tee off and they're going to want to play through.” I sure have.

I'm not picking on golfing and bowling. They can be fun and certainly have a lot of avid participants, but I don't think they've had a car try to graze them with some irate jerk screaming, “Get out of here!” (If that has happened in a bowling alley, send me a video!)

I just want to make sure cyclists get their due. While they may act a bit snobbish at times, they are friendly, welcoming, supportive, and encouraging of others at various skill levels or just starting out. In general, cyclists are cool.

Except for hipsters, of course.

A cross race without a keg???

2010-09-28T10:34:00.000-06:00

Alpha blew it with their last race. No music. No announcer. No food vendors. I can live with all that. But no keg? WTF?!?!

Guys, I just can't tolerate such blatant disregard for the unwritten rules of 'cross. You know better. You can do better.

Monday morning Euro cross love

2010-09-27T10:04:00.000-06:00

Just a quick video from Neerpelt and another Sven Nijs win...

Viva Las Vegas....Viva Las Vegas

2010-09-21T14:07:00.001-06:00

Ok...so I am hopeful that the heat has finally left our fair state for places south of here. What do I care if El Paso is hundred degrees and they race cross there? I dont, and I dont like the heat. I cant stress this enough. Sunday's race was the first of the campaign and it was a burner. 87 degrees at the start, close to 90 at the end and a whole lot of dust makes for not a fun race. Let's just say, I will have better days. How could it get any worse right?

With the annual pilgrimage out to Vegas for Interbike and CrossVegas for the last time, I have checked the temps for the couple of days we will be there and it is forcasted to be in the mid 90's there this week. Bastards. I hate the heat. But I do know that the racing will be red hot though. With a Francis Mourey winning 2 races up in Seattle, Tim Johnson takes 2 wins in VT and Hudz/Subaru rider Davide Frattini winning both days at Charm City, something has to give. It is called CrossVegas....126 men enter, 1 man leaves. This should be a great battle. You can follow the whole thing live, starting about 945p MST over at cxmagazine for the blow by blow action.

We will follow up with pics and our own stories, regardless if they are made up or not...Stay cool my friends!!

Shaking the cobwebs out, an ongoing process

2010-09-20T21:35:00.000-06:00

We will be at GP Betz tomorrow starting at 530p for a workout of drills. We will have the barriers with us and will be doing mounts/dismounts, sprints with mounts/dismounts, stair work with mounts/dismounts.

This is good form

This is bad form

See everybody tomorrow....then it is off to Vegas for the Frites team and CrossVegas for the last time.